你拉我拉， 你拉我拉， 一二拉。。。
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Feelings running high
written on Monday, January 13, 2014 @ 12:34 AM ✈
I just feel that I needed some sort of way to record my feelings. Although one of my resolutions (kind of) is to look at the positive side of things and be more happy, sometimes I get this sad tingly feeling... For example, my dad told us to keep a certain day free as the whole extended family will be going to the usual buffet place for Chinese New Year lunch, like last year. The words "last year" triggered a emotion high for me unknowingly, because my brain automatically clicked back to last CNY lunch and I remembered my grandma being there, not just last year but also past buffets. Then it dawned upon me that the only difference this year is that she will not be there. All the memories just start flooding back, from the point where I went home one fine Friday to realise the horrible news and see her lying there, seeing the undertakers bring her out, all the way to helping to settle the funeral matters :( It went from unbelievable shock to mind blank to sadness to having to be strong. (because everyone was equally upset and it was the last little thing I could do) It feels so surreal, just thinking about "last year" or every time I enter her room (now occupied with some of my dad's things). Sometimes I worry if I will end up forgetting her or having my memory fade out. I rarely cry but I remember how I cried so badly. So many things happened last year. I know life goes on (probably what some people would say) but I just get affected whenever I think back with any random triggers, going from high to low. Some stuff also happened today, of course I was not as shaken as the last incident. I just hope the words were taken in from a certain first-hand perspective and let's hope for the best. Sometimes I just wish I could just drop some things and go back to the simple world (like training juniors more which is probably something my officers would happily welcome). 0 comment[s] | back to top |