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你拉我拉， 你拉我拉， 一二拉。。。
This is probably just going to be a simple collection of my life. Thanks for stopping by.

: kheng wee, 2 february.
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The last day of National Mourning has just passed. It has been an emotional week. Unexpectedly but surely, Singaporeans showed their love and appreciation for Mr Lee Kuan Yew - a deserving and inspiring visionary, founding father and family man strongly. :'(

I put up many posts about Mr Lee lately. I sat by the television many a time to catch old footage and tribute videos. I went to the Parliament House. I went to the community tribute site. I saw how people around were touched in their lives by Mr Lee by one way or another, despite their immense grief. I experienced a surge of emotions at some point in time, like others.

It's already February, and I have just turned twenty-one. Coincidentally, two hundred posts! This must be a mini celebratory moment. I get a feeling of surrealism and nostalgia, possibly over the days I have lived through for the past twenty years. The idea of being an adult hasn't really sunk in yet. Are there more things I can do, now that I'm twenty-one? Hmm.

Being twenty-one feels different in name, but not that much different in feeling. I just hope that people around me will stay healthy and happy. For myself, I hope that I can continue to stay close with people around me, and I can get to do what I love - kind of to just live in the moment more. Well, I think I have to do a lot better in school because my results have not been that satisfactory ._.

The previous few days have been a series of ups and downs actually. Over the weekend, I lost my laptop, and also went through a full circle to retrieve it. And I blamed myself sooo much. It was really a long story. I had to trace and contact people, and get into many different modes. I think I had my lucky star shining on me. The people who helped were very nice and friendly.

Also, my birthday was "celebrated" again by a bunch of people. I think I should find a cave to hide within. REALLY. I'm not facing myself again for now. Well, after the whole time, there was a lot of eating involved and bringing my Aussie exchange friend to places. Places I actually haven't been to before, so technically I was following and exploring too. Yes to local good food and pastry :) *glutton me*

On another note, I attended one of my close friends Eileen's birthday party planned by her boyfriend, that she did not know about until she arrived at the place. You can't help but go aww :)  Kar Yee and I had gone to buy the presents, which were picked carefully. Because the buyers were two of us, there were a lot of back and forth considerations - "this would look good" or "that is too shiny" haha. It was slightly awkward so we waited for more people because we barely knew her other friends. It was nice to see a few fellow HC and NY friends. Zi Han was there too yay, so I could catch up with her.

It's a pity not many people I know are blogging (or maybe they have secret blogs), I used to enjoy visiting blogs of people I am closer to. I find that words are great to convey inner thoughts and to know someone better. Actually, listening to songs helps me feel more at peace. Or it is a way to express myself when I hum along. I'm not sure whether people actually listen to songs based on my recommendation (maybe I know of only one or two people who will actually do that)

 
I never see the forest for the trees, I could really use your melody

 
Now I'm fourfiveseconds from wildin' 
And we got three more days 'til Friday 
I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday, mornin'

What have I done lately? Not much actually, just reading articles and books online. Mockingjay in text is really powerful in my opinion, but I have yet to watch the actual movie yet. All the what-ifs that run through my head as a result of reading it. How nice it would be to get the whole series in paperback version.  I think Katniss manages to stay true to herself despite all the chaos, and her courage despite all those adversities inspires me. And I read Ellen Degeneres' Seriously...I'm Kidding (note the punctuations, she actually manages to keep it consistent throughout her books); it's thought-provoking about life but funny and simple at the same time. You will probably get the same kind of vibe from the book, if you watch her shows. Some of her words echo my thoughts to an extent, surprisingly.

I don't know if you agree or not, but I think reading helps you to find out about yourself (says a wise me, at least it applies for me in this phase of my life).

And you may ask, what have I found out myself? Well...that is a tough question. I would not say I have uncovered everything about myself, but I started to reflect on my own views.

I might have discovered that I am not the person most people think I am. How can I put this into words as neutrally? For example, people should not judge a book by its cover (so if you are thinking about something you believe about me, dig deeper). And behind every scar there is a story behind it. Perhaps, there is a fine line between pessimism and optimism. Maybe I'm stepping away from something because there was a history behind it, or I'd rather not watching history happen to me again. Maybe I'm just more sensitive but every little action makes or breaks things to me; but I trust my good old sense usually (it has been reliable in my life). Maybe it's human nature to be there first hand when something is 'happening' and also human nature to run away when there is something to be done. By that same token, I do my best to avoid such pitfalls and take calculated risks in my daily life, just like how I would view Courage and Empathy, for empty talks make me feel disappointed. But then again, is it because I choose not to inflict such pain on others that I have experienced, that they can never understand what I feel? Then it happens to me from the others again? What should I do? Let people feel it?

Some people would probably brush these things off as old me overthinking, but why can't it be a case of you not thinking enough? I mean, I'm just trying to offer another perspective. Of course I understand people prefer to spend their lives doing other things compared to thinking, which is totally fine with me. But what happens if your actions and words cut someone else? (Figuratively.) I choose to believe that everyone has a decision to their words and actions, so all the things about being not conscious do not sound that convincing to me. I have bore the brunt of that, if you ever had realised. If you did realise, does that mean you are consciously choosing to act a certain way? Both are negative in my view, but the latter is worse. Then I should try to break away from this cycle. Do I know what brings out the best and worst in me? Yes, I do. And this point on the map is where I should not be, status quo, unless something changes.

Ever since I posted somewhere about what a certain four letter means, I have been wondering whether that word has meant the same thing for all of us. Maybe it meant the same thing to you, just at a different point, a point in the past, and now it does not mean anything else. Did everything ever mean anything? If that's the case in which it does not mean anything, why do we want to drag other people into this, to take your place, again? I'm confused, or maybe it is just me. I don't like the idea of giving someone something I dislike, like say re-gifting a Christmas present for example. Why? Can someone explain this patiently? (I don't think anyone is patient enough, just getting with your life well could be good enough, oh well the human nature.)

All these things keep running through my head, almost all the time that it makes me lost. But I don't think anyone understands. If only I could view it simply - if you like something you do it and vice versa. Sigh D:

I usually listen to songs to get about such things, so I will post up some songs for a cold rainy day. I recently caught a glimpse of S Club 7 on youtube and found out all about them in the early 2000s, heard their songs and they are really good! I remember my seniors choreographed an item for us in Primary 2 using the song Reach. And they have got other songs such as Bring It All Back (which Jolin did), Never Had a Dream Come True, Don't Stop Movin', S Club Party etc

I sound so busy, with so many things on my schedule. Now there are even assignments coming up, released at this point of time and due soon. I totally understand worrying doesn't solve much, what if I can't even produce something for submission? My grades are off in a way for other work.

Really hoping for good grades in order to try certain things; one can always hope right? And there are reasons for that.

I question many things, what does it take to work? Differences and doubts surround. Don't think it is going to be sensed, maybe I could front it this way (ha.ha.)

Older posts |

The last day of National Mourning has just passed. It has been an emotional week. Unexpectedly but surely, Singaporeans showed their love and appreciation for Mr Lee Kuan Yew - a deserving and inspiring visionary, founding father and family man strongly. :'(

I put up many posts about Mr Lee lately. I sat by the television many a time to catch old footage and tribute videos. I went to the Parliament House. I went to the community tribute site. I saw how people around were touched in their lives by Mr Lee by one way or another, despite their immense grief. I experienced a surge of emotions at some point in time, like others.

It's already February, and I have just turned twenty-one. Coincidentally, two hundred posts! This must be a mini celebratory moment. I get a feeling of surrealism and nostalgia, possibly over the days I have lived through for the past twenty years. The idea of being an adult hasn't really sunk in yet. Are there more things I can do, now that I'm twenty-one? Hmm.

Being twenty-one feels different in name, but not that much different in feeling. I just hope that people around me will stay healthy and happy. For myself, I hope that I can continue to stay close with people around me, and I can get to do what I love - kind of to just live in the moment more. Well, I think I have to do a lot better in school because my results have not been that satisfactory ._.

The previous few days have been a series of ups and downs actually. Over the weekend, I lost my laptop, and also went through a full circle to retrieve it. And I blamed myself sooo much. It was really a long story. I had to trace and contact people, and get into many different modes. I think I had my lucky star shining on me. The people who helped were very nice and friendly.

Also, my birthday was "celebrated" again by a bunch of people. I think I should find a cave to hide within. REALLY. I'm not facing myself again for now. Well, after the whole time, there was a lot of eating involved and bringing my Aussie exchange friend to places. Places I actually haven't been to before, so technically I was following and exploring too. Yes to local good food and pastry :) *glutton me*

On another note, I attended one of my close friends Eileen's birthday party planned by her boyfriend, that she did not know about until she arrived at the place. You can't help but go aww :)  Kar Yee and I had gone to buy the presents, which were picked carefully. Because the buyers were two of us, there were a lot of back and forth considerations - "this would look good" or "that is too shiny" haha. It was slightly awkward so we waited for more people because we barely knew her other friends. It was nice to see a few fellow HC and NY friends. Zi Han was there too yay, so I could catch up with her.

It's a pity not many people I know are blogging (or maybe they have secret blogs), I used to enjoy visiting blogs of people I am closer to. I find that words are great to convey inner thoughts and to know someone better. Actually, listening to songs helps me feel more at peace. Or it is a way to express myself when I hum along. I'm not sure whether people actually listen to songs based on my recommendation (maybe I know of only one or two people who will actually do that)

 
I never see the forest for the trees, I could really use your melody

 
Now I'm fourfiveseconds from wildin' 
And we got three more days 'til Friday 
I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday, mornin'

What have I done lately? Not much actually, just reading articles and books online. Mockingjay in text is really powerful in my opinion, but I have yet to watch the actual movie yet. All the what-ifs that run through my head as a result of reading it. How nice it would be to get the whole series in paperback version.  I think Katniss manages to stay true to herself despite all the chaos, and her courage despite all those adversities inspires me. And I read Ellen Degeneres' Seriously...I'm Kidding (note the punctuations, she actually manages to keep it consistent throughout her books); it's thought-provoking about life but funny and simple at the same time. You will probably get the same kind of vibe from the book, if you watch her shows. Some of her words echo my thoughts to an extent, surprisingly.

I don't know if you agree or not, but I think reading helps you to find out about yourself (says a wise me, at least it applies for me in this phase of my life).

And you may ask, what have I found out myself? Well...that is a tough question. I would not say I have uncovered everything about myself, but I started to reflect on my own views.

I might have discovered that I am not the person most people think I am. How can I put this into words as neutrally? For example, people should not judge a book by its cover (so if you are thinking about something you believe about me, dig deeper). And behind every scar there is a story behind it. Perhaps, there is a fine line between pessimism and optimism. Maybe I'm stepping away from something because there was a history behind it, or I'd rather not watching history happen to me again. Maybe I'm just more sensitive but every little action makes or breaks things to me; but I trust my good old sense usually (it has been reliable in my life). Maybe it's human nature to be there first hand when something is 'happening' and also human nature to run away when there is something to be done. By that same token, I do my best to avoid such pitfalls and take calculated risks in my daily life, just like how I would view Courage and Empathy, for empty talks make me feel disappointed. But then again, is it because I choose not to inflict such pain on others that I have experienced, that they can never understand what I feel? Then it happens to me from the others again? What should I do? Let people feel it?

Some people would probably brush these things off as old me overthinking, but why can't it be a case of you not thinking enough? I mean, I'm just trying to offer another perspective. Of course I understand people prefer to spend their lives doing other things compared to thinking, which is totally fine with me. But what happens if your actions and words cut someone else? (Figuratively.) I choose to believe that everyone has a decision to their words and actions, so all the things about being not conscious do not sound that convincing to me. I have bore the brunt of that, if you ever had realised. If you did realise, does that mean you are consciously choosing to act a certain way? Both are negative in my view, but the latter is worse. Then I should try to break away from this cycle. Do I know what brings out the best and worst in me? Yes, I do. And this point on the map is where I should not be, status quo, unless something changes.

Ever since I posted somewhere about what a certain four letter means, I have been wondering whether that word has meant the same thing for all of us. Maybe it meant the same thing to you, just at a different point, a point in the past, and now it does not mean anything else. Did everything ever mean anything? If that's the case in which it does not mean anything, why do we want to drag other people into this, to take your place, again? I'm confused, or maybe it is just me. I don't like the idea of giving someone something I dislike, like say re-gifting a Christmas present for example. Why? Can someone explain this patiently? (I don't think anyone is patient enough, just getting with your life well could be good enough, oh well the human nature.)

All these things keep running through my head, almost all the time that it makes me lost. But I don't think anyone understands. If only I could view it simply - if you like something you do it and vice versa. Sigh D:

I usually listen to songs to get about such things, so I will post up some songs for a cold rainy day. I recently caught a glimpse of S Club 7 on youtube and found out all about them in the early 2000s, heard their songs and they are really good! I remember my seniors choreographed an item for us in Primary 2 using the song Reach. And they have got other songs such as Bring It All Back (which Jolin did), Never Had a Dream Come True, Don't Stop Movin', S Club Party etc

I sound so busy, with so many things on my schedule. Now there are even assignments coming up, released at this point of time and due soon. I totally understand worrying doesn't solve much, what if I can't even produce something for submission? My grades are off in a way for other work.

Really hoping for good grades in order to try certain things; one can always hope right? And there are reasons for that.

I question many things, what does it take to work? Differences and doubts surround. Don't think it is going to be sensed, maybe I could front it this way (ha.ha.)

Older posts |

Still growing up in the midst of university. My friends tell me I think a lot, which could be good or bad depending on how you see it. I'm currently studying Linguistics in NTU. At the same time, I am involved in NPCC and various school activities. I guess this blog will include bits and pieces of my new experiences for sharing! Definitely looking forward to trying and learning new things <3

NYNPCCDALT 41, NYCT2'08, NYCT2'10, 202'08, 406'09
NPAP'09, Dramafeste '11/12, CIBTC J11
Hall 6 13/14

→ Taylor Swift 1st CD!
→ A nice camera to take photos
→ The Hunger Games series
→ Justin Bieber CD - My World 2.0
→ First Step 2 Forever
→ New school stuff.

links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first