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你拉我拉， 你拉我拉， 一二拉。。。
This is probably just going to be a simple collection of my life. Thanks for stopping by.

: kheng wee, 2 february.
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Yesterday, I was meeting Wenxian and Peiyin and Wenxian was late. At first Peiyin and I wanted to have breakfast, but there wasn't enough time. So no breakfast. Upon reaching school, we were learning first aid items and cheers/songs. Only 2 stalls were opened during lunch, so I had no choice but to order more. It didn't taste extremely delicious.

We changed into our uniform and it was super hard. I had to adjust my uniform so many times. And my boots weren't shiny enough. How do I make it shiny? I think I used nearly 1/3 of my can.

We changed out of the uniform and we were late. - 7 mins. into 10. Then we did drills and halfway, I fell out but without saying anything. Coz during water break, I was giddy and I told squadmates in case I fainted or something. Also, I was so confused about lashing. My eyes were blurry. I wanted to buy black socks at West Mall but they didnt have black ones. So Peiyin, Yi Jia, Yanni and I were asking around. They bought the correct hairnets and I was like closing my eyes to rest.

When I got home, I fell asleep after changing out of hongzi. I didn't even eat dinner. This morning, I was super hungry. I started thinking, "Did I eat dinner?" I felt so stupid thinking about it. I wasn't sure, so I decided to ask my maid. All I got was 2 raisin bread.

Now I'm feeling giddy again.

I'm so happy. For play writing, we watched an old play o a DVD. It was so funny. Two guys were trying to be someone called Ernest and their wifes-to-be got misled to think that they were marrying a guy called Ernest. It was fun seeing how they kept up with their lies.

And for Malay appreciation, there was a performance and it was very interesting. They were singing in Enlglish and Malay in the traditional tune. And after that, I got released early, at about 2pm/

I was surprised to see Wenxian and Puay Ling already there. We got to SAC after finishing our food. We were like scribbling on the paper on the wall And we were doing lots of stuff. I was practising my sit-ups with Yi Jia, but I can't get up when interlocking my legs with her.

At around 4pm, I went off with Peiyin and we were hanging at West Mall. My second time there this year. At first we bought tidbits but we ended up buying bubble tea too. Peiyin's mother was rushing her to go home for a company dinner and she drank her bubble tea quickly. She had a brainfreeze and I was laughing about it. And when I got back to the MRT station, I saw Wenxian as my train went off. It was travelling, moving away from the station and Wenxian and I were like looking at each other across. I was too shocked to wave. Peiyin and I went off earlier but Wenxian was actually at the MRT station with us. I guess we spent too much time at West Mall.

Right now, I feel sleepy. I want to wait for supper. For the past few days, my dad has been buying supper but I always fall asleep before he comes back. What a pity. It was western food 2 days ago. How sad. I still have to finish up my play for sabbaticals. Hiaz. Sad. And Haiyun, your comment was too weird. Not that cool after all to be in that accident.

This morning, when I got up the school bus, everything seemed really normal.When I sat beside Hui Qi, she said there was something wrong with the bus. The bus driver didn't shut the door and left it as it is. On the journey, he stopped a few times to inspect his bus. The engine was making weird noises. I was talking to Hui Qi and we were distracted by all of that. And I noticed that he kept stepping on the accelerator. Whenever he did that, the lights would go off. I was telling Hui Qi, the battery could be low. The bus driver was going slowly and when the traffic light turned red, the bus could not stay stationary. The wheels were moving backwards when he stopped the car. I knew the bus would most likely break down halfway, but I didn't ever expect it to crash into a SBS bus and the road divider!

We were at a road and the traffic light just turned green. The bus was speeding up and I was chatting to Hui Qi. Not for a long distance, the bus just swerved after going straight and went up the platform. I was like, "Oh my gosh!" and the front window pane crashed at the word "gosh". I felt the bus losing control and I was panicking. The bus went up the platform so quickly. A SBS bus was in front and I saw the metal green divider being knocked down and it was smashed into awkward pieces.The window had a huge impact. The scariest thing was, the bus was halfway up on the divider platform, so it was really unstable. It was practically tilting towards one side. Immediately after the crash I looked around to see if there were any injuries. Luckily, nothing serious happened to us. However, I was still frightened and Hui Qi was calming me down. Not really, we were desperate to get to school. She was calling her teacher to inform her about the accident. She even told her teacher to inform my form teacher, which was so nice.

I don't think the primary school children understood how dangerous that was. We could have suffered serious injuries if the speed was faster. We were stuck in the middle of the road for like close to half an hour. The paramedics asked us if anyone was injured and counted the number of people. They were asking the bus driver how long the replacement bus would take. Hui Qi was impatient, saying that he did not explain to us what had happened and not letting us know if they would be a bus and such. She was in a rush for her Kampong Glam trip, you see. I kept looking around the bus and we were like trying to get the younger kids to settle down, they probably didn't know that the bus would topple if they made too much movement. It was so stuffy and we were there, sitting, tilted to one side. If you did not sit properly, you could be sliding off your seat from the side.

Everything was so fresh in my memory. We finally got off the bus, slowly. Making minimal movement lest it fell on its side.

It was so scary, I never imagined that would happened. I was really thankful for the blessings. Anyway, I reached school at 8, which was very late. No one stopped me. Oh yes and during lunch I went to look for Mr Mackintosh to like let him know I was in school. Jiajia said Hui Qi's teacher talked to him but I was supposed to tell him when I reached school. I picked up the phone, first time actually and Mr Mackintosh picked up. I was saying that I wanted to look for him and told him I was Kheng Wee lol. He came out and "greeted" me with like, "Hey! So your school bus crashed right?" I nodded my head in astonishment. I don't think my expression was that obvious. He talked a bit more and I thanked him before I left.

I was so happy when I saw squadmates in the canteen. Oh yes, Happy Birthday Sharon ma'am! (Don't think she'll see it, but in my heart, I hope that she'll be happy every second)

I was late for 3rd lang as the bus to pick us up after the Kampong Glam trip was super dooper late. I hitched a ride from Si Hui's parents.

Will everything get better? Let's keep our fingers crossed

Sorry, I am posting the second time. My dad told me that he was lucky I told him not to fetch me. I was walking home from the lift, looking on the ground, I always do that. I tend to bang into people, but I rather not fall down. I was distracted by an "eh!" It was actually my uncle who walked past me, can you believe it? I need to change my habit of looking down, I almost knocked into a ma'am and during the run I crashed badly. I couldn't even "brake" in time.

I looked up and called him. I was wondering what had happened, he rarely comes to my house on a weekday. My dad said his car broke down after fetching my sister, so they got home the same time as me, maybe 1 minute before. That is so weird/ When filling in the RO, ma'ams came just 1 minute after. It was totally unexpected. So I assumed my dad and my sis took my uncle's taxi home. I didn't really get the part about being lucky. It was lucky for my dad I guess, his car didn't break down in the busy Dunearn Rd. But not for me, I still had to struggle up and down the bus and MRT with my uniform cover, my bag and shoe bag. For a moment, I thought I would fall on the MRT track.

It's so late now. Really must go. May many happy returns!

Is it our last ACT with ma'ams? I don't want it to end so soon. I loved the knots we learnt, although I kept getting it wrong. I love how we were learning to prepare our uniform and polish our boots. I can't believe we passed the Total Defence test! Jia you.

Ma'ams...they are so playful, tricking us to believe that we would either not get the badge or everyone gets it except the person who failed. Obviously, no one failed. They tricked us again and again. First it was Sharon ma'am being transferred to Batch 39, then the trial lance corporal test today, which was all a lie. And they bluffed us about us failing the test. Squadmates all said they qi1 pian4 gan3 qing2 Only they get the thrill laughing about it. I was feeling so upset, I was thinking, "Ah I didn't coach Wenxian and Zi Han well enough, I'm such a failure." Now I don't know whether to believe what they say.

We will be having our pre-camp briefing on the 28th this month, I've got to mark the date/ If I'm not wrong, it's 8 to 12. Also, next month, we will be doing marshalling on the 6th in full uniform! And ATC is coming up.

We ran during ACT today and we were cheering. However, Jing-Yi ma'am said to do twinkles. But I have been doing push-ups with squadmates since I came in. I felt really weird when she told me to do twinkles. I only told ma'am about my backbone problem for ATC, as I don't know what we will be doing. I think I should be able to do regular exercises.

My hair was super out of place after doing crunches, and during jumping-jacks. I was so embarrassed. After we were dismissed, we were like looking for ma'ams, asking lots of questions. Sharon ma'am said we were the squad with the most questions and we don't ask them at once. Ah, I don't know what to say. And Jacinta was showing the squashed bug in her shoe and I covered my face. It was rather gross. The squad talk we had been hoping for didn't appear at all. And we won't answer enough ROs to get recre with ma'ams before they leave. Also, they happened to "demand" for chocolate cake. Not exactly, they went, "We want chocolate cake hor." Is chocolate cake really that nice? I haven't really appreciated chocolate cake, just chocolates. Nicole was like, we can buy and squeeze lots of cream over it. And I think Yi Jia said baking wasn't a good idea, they might just get their tummy upset.

NCOs told us to ask the 39 ma'ams what we should and should not do. I wonder when squadmates will do that. There are so many things to do the uniform, the beret, the buttons and the shoe. I must also get, get ....the...triangular bandage.

We learnt the thumb knot, figure 8 knot, slip knot, marlin knot and the reef knot. I am pretty bad at it and I must go practise. It's pretty odd when I post what I have learnt, but it is to jolt my memory when I forget them. I just refer to my blog. Oh yes, we are going to learn the cheers and songs real soon, after briefing I think, if I'm not wrong.

I can't bear the ma'ams to leave us. I don't know if I will tear on POP or before that. I am so upset, it's just 5 months together with them. I wished we had more squad talks.

Quote> You can never get tired of chocolate .sharon ma'am's birthday.

Today, during recess. I was recalling all the projects I've done in Nanyang. I know I'm weird. Then I remembered doing a Peranakan project for LA in around February. I was with Mian Jun, and her sister came along with us. We were introducing ourselves with a few other classmates to Mian Jun's sister. She said she was from NP and and was from Nanyang. At that time, I don't think we were forced to call ma'ams yet. But I didn't maintain a sort of barrier at all! Until I realised my mistake, today.

I am so stupid. I asked Mian Jun which batch her sister was from and it was 37! I'm so dead. I was like speaking, "Hello...Yes...Thanks" I didn't add ma'am that time. I regret it. Mian Jun didn't seem to mind and ma'am didn't tell me about the barrier. I...don't know what to say.

I was so ignorant and didn't pay careful attention to what I said.

Enough about that, I'm ashamed of myself enough.

I am sharing a blog with Zi Han, this is the link http://contrast-blackandwhite.blogspot.com/
I made the layout myself, comment about it if you like

I hope nothing goes wrong tomorrow. We have so many things to bring.

I'm tired of everything. The stress, the pressure. As a cadet, there's pressure from everyone to do good drills. I try to keep myself happy in school, but I can't take it anymore. Not even the NP songs help now. A squadmates is kinda angry at me and I don't know why. I feel like knocking my head against the wall and die. Or just run into a speeding car, crash and end everything.

NPCC means a whole lot to me, and I hate it when squadmates are unhappy. Some squadmates keep us in suspense and I never knew we weren't supposed to probe. Every DALT, we worry if we can remove all the equipments from ma'ams'. Not even chocolates, or music can cheer me up. Not even the funniest comedian can make me laugh.

What did I do wrong? I can't seem to describe it. It's just that older people can't help, it's a problem that must be solved between ourselves. I was advised to stay away from the pissed squadmate. My tears are rising and rising, up to my eyelids and I am bursting anytime.

I was too sad to even MSN a classmate who was feeling very enthusiastic, sorry Si Hui. I am feeling very numb and on the verge of breaking down. I need a break, a break from everything. Move away from earth and shift in my own world.

Going dead soon.

It's 9 now. I just ate my dinner and got home. I'm so happy as 41 has gotten their uniforms! I am so proud of squadmates! My mum came to the bus stop to help me carry my stuff when I got off the bus at Jurong.

I shall not say anything about NAPFA. I hate it! I only want to say things I like, for example - DALT. A few squadmates changed and we were like digging for our wallets and handphones Then Jiajia sabo-ed me, asked me to be timer. I was like going through the steps in my head when we jogged to jiao lian. I said, "Urp, jiao lian wu an." That went pretty smoothly. However, we still had to ask for permission to join the squad. I was in front and I think I urped to greet ma'am from afar. I was hesitant for a while before I took the lead to move in front of ma'am. The first time I urped, they didn't say anything. So it was just me and I turned back immediately. Obviously, it was samula. I urped twice, once to greet ma'am and to ask for permission after moving forward without banging. Finally, I urped the last time to thank ma'am. We learnt a new hua called qian shou guan yin. I missed part of it, so I guess I'll have to ask squadmates how to do it.

I took 157 again with squadmates and a few of our ma'ams were on the bus. We were kinda separated, considering that Yan Ni and Wenxian were sitting in front. I was trying to get my uniform back from her the whole while after the bus had empty seats. But so many people were standing. I am puzzled, why don't they just sit and we'll have more space.

Oh yes, the camp date is changed to 20-22 June. I wonder when we'll get the kit list. I really hope the ma'ams will teach us the cheers that we haven't learnt.

I am so hungry now. I am like the food terminator. I don't want ma'ams to leave us. Not saying it's a bad thing, the 39 ma'ams are already giving their comments about us during "reflection" time. When I hear negative comments, I always feel very sad. We didn't meet the expectations. I just hope our squad will grow together and become stronger and active.

Oh yes, I need to practise my drills for the Lance Corporal trial test. Jia you squadmates!
+41 CADET+

I am so excited about the camp. However, we might not get enough sleep, so I might fall asleep. I fall asleep almost anywhere. I told Wenxian that before and she says she falls asleep while standing. I couldn't beat her in talking lol.

And I went to Coronation Plaza with some squadmates to alter the shi dai. Luckily the uncle didn't ask for payment, yet at least. I'm worried about DALT. I can't seem to play with the drum well. I don't get the rhythm myself. The first few sessions were okay as there were numbers and I could practise at home. Now I can't even practise even if I wanted to!

And I have NAPFA tomorrow. I'm so upset for my NAPFA 2.4km. I've never gotten a B for running before. I keep damaging my records. I'm so going to fail my pull-ups. I can't do it properly. I heard that it is really strict. I haven't been practising for my NAPFA, lik e the jump and the sit-ups. I am so inflexible. I hope I can get a gold, considering ma'ams said NPCC people should be getting gold. Ah! So pressurised.

My dad drove to school during lunch, bringing about 30-40cm plus of newspapers. He said I wouldn't be able to carry it up the bus and across the overhead bridge. I was agreeing too. I think he is going to come to school again tomorrow.

I just feel that I've been dragging past these 6 months in school. I am feeling so down all the time, my friends say... I nearly got lost this afternoon.

Quote: NP is all about love and friendship, not forgetting drills.

I actually ran my 2.4km today, after Art. The teacher asked me to redraw my shoe. I am a bad artist. I love the NP songs, replaying them over and over again!

I was rather slow for the run, considering I didn't take my breakfast again. I was keeping pace with myself, I mean I didn't sprint suddenly and stop suddenly. But I walked once during the run At the end, I dashed like for half a round. Jiajia said Clarissa got the fastest timing among the whole squad. I am so can2 kui4.

During LA, it was super fun. Ms Foo was giving us tongue twisters to read, or you can say rattle. I kept getting stuck and my tongue kept rolling around my braces, it was amusing. Everyone was so good, better than me.

My group was lacking for FPS, didn't do much in that hour.

At lunch, ma'ams came to collect our shi dai from us when we were having lunch together as a squad. I don't know why, I just get nervous. I feel like digging my head under the table. We passed the bag of shidais to ma'ams and they walked away. However, ma'ams came back, asking why we were missing one shi dai. Wenxian thought she dropped one shidai when she left the shidais in the locker. I was worried and asked Sharon ma'am if I could go with Wenxian to check her locker. Ma'am told us to hurry. I dashed off with Wenxian and her green dripping ice cream. She asked me to hold her ice cream while she opened the locker. It was dripping quickly and I was rushing her. She said to lick it if I wanted to when I joked with her. It was funny when I was holding the ice cream for her to lick. She was like tip toeing to reach the high locker and she was looking at me for the ice cream. I just pushed the ice cream in her mouth, not that roughly.

In the end, it was Yueqi's shi dai which was missing. So ma'ams told us to alter all the shi dais at coro ourselves. How sad

And during Japanese class, my teacher asked my partner in Japanese, if I was a lively girl. She wanted to teach the word "lively". So Si Hui was asking me, are you lively? I was begging her not to ask me. We looked at each other for a while and sensei waited..She said I was not a lively girl. So sad. But never mind.

Also, a stupid hachi (bee) flew in. We were like dodging the bee and opened all the windows to let it fly out, but it just didn't! It flew above our heads, along the walls. The lesson stopped for about 5 minutes before sensei called for help on her phone. While she was speaking on the phone, the bee was buzzing everywhere like mad. Aoi sensei ducked down and bent her body left and right. It was so funny yet many schoolmates were screaming. I was afraid, but I would never ever scream, unless I'm robbed or something. We wanted to move to the other classrooms, so we just grabbed our books and pencil case and moved over. We didn't even carry our bags. About a minute later, sensei walked back and didn't see the bee and she got us to go back. Kinda irritating, not sensei, but the moving. I hardly got settled down in the other classroom and we had to move back.

+++++++++

I feel so weird. I am like more expressive and I seem to have more initaitive nowadays. I am guessing NP is the reason. Ma'ams have helped me grow more confident slowly, bit by bit through all the activities. My stamina is getting better. When I think silently, I have many things in mind. My dad was staring at me, when I was looking into space on the car, as if possessed or something like that. He said I was quiet and motionless.

And at home, I was staring at my TD notes with no reason. Then I noticed the word "jiayou!" written by ma'ams before they gave us the notes. I was inspired to write JY! all over my fingernails. I know, I know, I'm so weird. When I MSNed Pei Yin and Jiajia, they went o.0 and hhaha!

I'm determined to learn all the Chinese songs before the term ends...

Worried about everything/

So many things happened today. Not really, but just let me flow everything out.

We practised drills early in the morning, it was super cold. But I liked the windy weather, makes me feel like going to dreamland. I was so sleepy the whole day during class. Mr Mackintosh actually called me to answer the question for history, I was in a daze and just read from what I wrote 5 minutes ago. He was staring at my notes.

Also, I didn't really catch lessons, I mean, I couldn't take in what was taught. I only got around 7 for my quiz.

During recess, I went to eat a burger so that I won't have to eat during lunch. It was quite worrying. I missed my LA remedial again to discuss with my teacher about FPS. Something interesting happened, Li Lao Shi was saying how inpractical it was to have a guard to protect a national treasure. Also, we typed in the report, 保护牛车水的样貌. It ended up with 牛车水的羊毛. Li lao shi was like so funny, telling us how ridiculous how report was. She said she was wondering why we wanted to protect the fur. We were thinking, "Fur?" before she showed us the report we had typed. That was so embarrassing.

Nearing to the end of lunch, we took our shi dai to pass to ma'ams. Yesterday, I couldn't reach 3 persons and I was so frightened. I was calling squadmates up and I even asked Nicole's brother to pass the message. He didn't understand the shi dai part, so he woke her up instead. It was seriously terrifying, especially at such a time at night. I didn't know squadmates sleep so early.

During ACT, I was looking forward to recre. We learnt another two new commands, squad maju - banging and starting to march. Also, we learnt to do kekenan lurus during marching and we had to turn 180 degrees, using the TLV method. It was pretty interesting though. I just couldn't get myself to do it fast enough. I was feeling so depressed. Ma'ams told us we would be having a mini competition for the drills we learnt this afternoon. When practising with Nicole, Pei Ting, Joyce and Esther, I was so down. Joyce said I was doing well. I was doubting myself still.

Then we did PT, we ran up the stairs, and stopped every now and then to do crunches, push-ups and jumping jacks. Some squadmates stopped and I was rather surprised. I was sweating and sweating. I'm a sweaty person. It seemed a long time. After a water break, we started to play rugby, as wanted by other squadmates. We finally decided to try a new game after having played so many times of Captain's Ball. It was pretty rough and I got whacked and hit a few times. The most painful one was on the stomach. During Captain's ball, it hurt a lot and I kept missing the ball. I bet the ma'ams must be frustrated with me. I then got pushed on the floor, hard. Everyone snatched for the ball~

I wonder when we can get recre with ma'ams again... It will be so lonely this Friday during ACT, with only 2 person to start with.

Another thing, I was so shocked when I read in the news that people get killed by falling trees recently. It is just so impossible and now in Singapore and Malaysia, people just get trapped when the trees fall on them. I bet we did something, and the weather caused the trees to turn like that. If we are not doing anything about it, I think we can prepare to die in a few years time. These kind of reports are just so sad. I'm still stuck with my depression.

I just want to scream and let out whatever I want, shout to unbottle everything, but I wonder where, just where I can do that...

I don't think I can make it. It's on Wednesday....

Oh yea, jia you for squadmates for last part of TD Test. Will I miss 3rd lang if I go for NAPFA?

I'm so confused. trying to figure some html.

Well, blog later..

Quote: Chocolates are addictive.

Since my mum isn't watching, I'll just sneak a post in at this hour. Well, U've been trying to call squadmates and they aren't picking up. Let's hope they'll get my sms. Now I have to complete my essay!!

I'm so dead. Wenxian, don't let my efforts go to waste. I'm pinning my hopes on you, since I'm your coach. I visited your blog, by the way. So what did I do? Oh, I should say, what didn't I do? ...Um, everything.

I've completed my Japanese essay, my CME report, my maths worksheet. And I've called ma'am today to tell her about the test. I was so frightened. I forgot to ask her something, so I had to call again.

This post is gonna be short. One more thing, I wanna learn to code my blog like Wenxian's, that is, when I get my blog on blogspot or freewebs. She is so good. Actually, I have lots of things in mind. I must learn my drills well too. ACT is on Tuesday.

I see many people counting down on their MSN to holidays. But I'm not. The more I count, the more depressed I get. Counting down makes me realise how little days ma'ams will be with us. Depressing right?

Now, I'll try to finish my other homework. Will post if I have time later on.

New section///my line of the day +++ "Balloons are like ice cream, they make you happy. Same for chocolates."

I'm home finally. I'm so tired. This morning, I met up with squadmates at the piano. Then for the whole day, I was rushing to get my Maths file packed. I also desperately did my uncompleted Science worksheet. In the end, Ms Chooi said we could hand the file in on Monday.

Before DALT, many squadmates did not know how to tie the shi dai. We were grabbing the shi dai and our shi ku down to the NP room to ask ma'ams how to wear them. It was rather embarrassing, I kept getting it wrong. During running, we were singing and cheering. When I looked down, I saw my shi ku hanging loosely at one end. I was so shocked. I just stepped out and saw many squadmates and ma'ams run past me. Glenda also came out and I realised she had the same problem as me. We asked ma'am if we could change and we were tying our shi dai in a nearby toilet. I was sweating like a water tap..

Once we were done, we had to catch up with everyone else. When I was running, I was wondering how long Glenda ran with her pants loose. I didn't wait long, I immediately stopped when I saw my shi ku loose. I was afraid it might drop.

We learnt new "hua"s. I'll remember to post them in the squad mail.

I can't believe how so many squadmates are out today. Yi Jia didn't come for DALT as she had been sick for 4 days. Yue Qi injured her leg during DALT. Zi Han was in pain when she fell in.

I was really upset that Zi Han went home. Nicole said she could be having cramps. I was listening to ma'ams speaking about the beats when Yee Lin ma'am tapped me from behind and asked me to follow her. I was hesitant at first, I was reminded of Pei Yin getting tricked out of the hike. However, my instinct told me to go. I jogged after her as she sped up. She said Zi Han was going home and I was to get her bag. I was unsure what she brought today, so I asked her how many bags she had got. It was rather stupid. I dashed up the stairs, looked for her bag among the 20 over bags all over the table and the ground and finally found it. I just picked everything that belonged to Zi Han and ran down. She looked very pale. I only said about a few words to her before I jogged back to the squad.

Around that time or so, I can't remember. I saw Yue Qi sitting behind the thick mat. It was like so many squadmates getting physically ill.

When bringing the gu up, Wenxian and I was holding and she said, "You are so tall. It's so hard to balance it." And one ma'am said, "Next time get someone around the same height to carry the gu." Wenxian saw Puay Ling nearby and just called her to carry the gu/

The feeling when ma'am talked to us was rather complex. I didn't know whether to grin or be ashamed. When walking with Puay Ling, we were counting "1 2..." up the stairs. My fingers hurt when I carried it wrongly. I shifted my hands a little to the fleshy part to support the drum base.

After that, Sharon ma'am, Jing-yi ma'am and Yee Lin ma'am was talking to us about random stuff. Not exactly, but just a few topics they mentioned. They told us about the shi dai being too short, telling our squadmates what we have learnt. They also revealed the results of the Total Defence test. They changed the passing mark to 70%, I think. We requested for the 4 squadmates who failed to retest again. And regarding that, the ma'ams asked for a volunteer to confirm the date and time for the last retest. I did not why, but I felt that I should be doing that. So I was the only one raising up my hand. I thought others would volunteer too.

But oh well, it's not that bad. I can try to know my squadmates better. I should also remember to ask ma'ams for the address if they are unable to help us deliver the shi dai to Coronation to lengthen them.

After we were dismissed, I got changed and went to the canteen. Bought two drinks after loaning from Wenxian. Peiyin and I got so frustrated with Wenxian that we decided to leave first. Not really mad, just impatient. We got out of school in time, before the security guard closed it.

We crossed the bridge and waited for the buses. However, they seemed to be so crowded and I was calling Zi Han. So in the end, we waited for Wenxian. [When I was looking around, Peiyin said she saw Jing-yi ma'am. Surprised, I saw her while waiting for Wenxian] Wenxian was waving and waving above the bridge. I kept signalling for her to get down. She didn't get me, obviously. She was like...zhang1 ya1 wu2 zhuo3. Looking like a mad freak. I stopped and looked at the steps, waiting for her "grand" arrival. She was still taking her own sweet time.

Coincidentally, the next bus that came was 157. The three of us got up and so did ma'am *..* Very nervous. When I reached Lakeside, I saw a councillor from Nanyang when I came out of Cheers. I didn't know so many Nanyang girls live in Jurong. One of my classmates live near me. Kinda stunned too. I was too tired anyway, didn't think much. I climbed the overhead bridge and struggled down the steps. I missed my bus as I was still chewing my chocolate bar that I got from Cheers (See how greedy I am?)

After getting up the second one, I reached home in about 10 minutes. I am so glad to be home. Now updating my blog and going to sleep soon. I hope all squadmates get better soon! Squadmates, jia you for TD Test!

Today after CIP, I was in the canteen with Peiyin. Then we got spotted in the canteen. I feel like I'm always spotted in the canteen, buying food. It happened on a few occasions. So pathetic. I was telling Peiyin if I kept eating at that rate, I'll go overweight someday.

Peiyin got onto my father's car and she dropped off at Jurong East MRT station. My father drove to a nearby McDonald's and we were eating. For me, eating = again/

I feel so useless. I chatted with my dad, about my results and subjects. I didn't do very well for many subjects. Luckily, he wasn't in a bad mood. In a way, I was preparing him for the shock he might get when he collects the report book.

When he drove a distance back, I was depressed. I saw Jurong Calvary (squadmates know where it is), Corporation Drive then Ho Ching Rd. I saw an ambulance with its lights flashing on the roadside. Then I realised a dented taxi. A man with an injured arm was speaking to a female police officer. It seemed pretty serious.

On the journey home, I see so many things. I do many things unknowingly. I don't know why.

During recess, a golden band from the rubbish bin was on the floor, in between the corridor. I was staring at it when I walked past to refill my water. Soon, I just took it up and attached it back to the dustbin again. I seriously have no idea what I am doing. But it was nothing wrong, fortunately.

Right now, I feel so bloated. Just had curry rice, which was very "overloading". There was still orange. I feel so uncomfortable. I have to get to my work soon.

Now, I see an email from batch 39 ma'ams. It says to prepare twigs and rags and twines. That's pretty interesting. I haven't done anything like that before. I'll go seek the opinions of my squadmates now.

..Everyone keeps reminding me of the number of ACTs we have left with our NCOs. I need to relax, using my way/

I just don't know why. I feel so depressed. I can't find the reason! That's so frustrating.

What should I do about it? I just realised that ma'ams are all around the school during breaks. That's something which can cheer me up, sorta. Noticed that today///

Let me see. I spot my sister playing with the mic. I wonder what she is doing, but that's quite irritating, lots of sound coming out of the audio system. Guess what she says?

"The person in red, on the computer, look at me right now," I was like "??!" My red t-shirt looks terrible. And she thinks she's a commander or something/ She's only in Primary 4. I'm not going to scold her or anything. I always get into trouble for that.

Life is boring, and it is so stressful. A letter from the school says parents have to collect the report books from school. I'm really upset. I think I failed so many items. Maybe that's part of the reason I feel down.

Self-reflecting is kinda useful, I think. I feel sleepy, but I'm afraid I'll forget to do some homework. I'm really a worrier. What did I do today? That reminds me.

I have to teach Yijia the new commands we learnt. I taught her over MSN just now, the next thing to do is to demo. It would be really weird to teach halfway. I come up with an equation. NPCC=my life. I've never regreted joining NPCC, which is such a good thing.

I feel that I'm going bonkers. Sidetracking or crapping here. Wenxian says crapping is going to the toilet.

I always think of the fact that ma'ams are passing out soon. Very sad. Zihan and I like ma'ams, we were giggling over squad talk. The ma'ams wanted to know who we liked. I don't think they know

Really miss squad talks, although we just had it on Tuesday, yesterday. Maybe I should start getting off soon. I'm still not finding my main reason of worry. This self-reflection thing doesn't work that well. Perhaps I'll try another time.

Yay, NPCC again. We had squad talk just before NP ended. Ma'ams are passing out really soon. Very depressed. Let me paste the notes I wrote for the commands, before I forget..
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
so 1st command is dalam _____(buka/tutup) berisa kekenan lurus/

timing; 1-1 1-chek-1

note: buka=open tutup=close

2nd command
______(number. etc; dua) langkar ____(direction etc;keblakan +can be all 4 directions, max 4 steps) gra

timing; depends. etc 2 steps - 1 2
notes; to sides, would be two taps = 1 also, max only 4 steps. 1 step = satu ~ 2=dua 3= tiga 4 = empat

3rd command
langkar meriso (direction either right or left ONLY) _____gra

timing; 1 chek 1 chek till (chek 1, for berhenti )
notes; right n left only.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I feel that I'm lazy, posted the same thing in squad mail too

I remember Yee Lin ma'am said she wanted to be a part-time zoo keeper, which was pretty funny. Haha :D And another interesting question was, which vehicle would the ma'ams pick if they could choose between a motorbike and sports car. Some answers were unexpected, really had a great time during squad talk. Learnt 3 new drills too! I'm afraid I can't remember. The DALT beats too. Jing-yi ma'am mentioned something like the Carmen tune, which I am unsure which beat to clap. I'm such a disappointment.

I really love NP, but was shocked for the fact that we get only 3-4 hours of sleep during the Annual NP Camp/ Nevertheless, it'll still be fun. Five squadmates in a group with other ma'ams. I wonder which group I will be in. I remember Charlie is blue, my favourite colour. It doesn't matter anyway, just hope that everything goes well.

jia you~ 41-4eva!

Today, during DALT, my arm was aching and my leg was feeling all prickly. I was rather sad when I couldn't play the ba well. Squadmates had to do push-ups but I didn't. I felt really really bad. I was wobbly at some time.

In school, when I told Luona about the lead going in my leg, she was like, "How can that even happen?" I guess I am stupid. I mean, a lead just went in my leg like that! I ate quite a lot for recess. At first we were having pizza from Mr Mackintosh, but the phone operator didn't know when NYGH was. So we didn't get it. I thought many people knew where Nanyang was. Kinda puzzling/

I've gotten back Maths and LA. It is so disappointing. I am like the lowest in class for everything. I feel like kicking myself right now!

After school, I met up with squadmates and we were chatting. I bought some Hershey's and shared them with squadmates, it tasted rather chocolatey. I've never tried it before.

During DALT, the ma'ams taught us qi bu - 123456 dong 1234 111 1123， then xiao jian - 12 12 da dong 12 12 da dong 12 12 1 1 123, zhong jian - 12 12 da dong 1 12 12 da dong 1 12 12 da dong 12 12 1 1 123 (i'm not really sure about the "jian“，will try it out on the table. Post my results later...)

We got scolded by ma'ams for not putting ba properly. I thought when we started to move off it was quite neat. I think it wasn't put properly for the last ones. That is so sad. I feel kind of upset. And ma'ams are passing out so soon!

I was going home, with Haiyun. But Haiyun got stopped by a student counsellor, who is my ma'am. I didn't know what to do. Then we crossed the overhead bridge and took a bus to Clementi MRT Station. We got bubbletea and we spent some time drinking it. Only at about 4pm did we board the bus to continue our journey.

Upon reaching my destination, I began to walk home. While nearing a playground, I was swinging my handbag to and fro. It wasn't really moving, but when I walked, the bag tend to swing. At one point, the bag swiped past my leg and I felt pain. It wasn't that strong at first, I scratched my leg at first. I suddenly realised that it was bleeding after I felt it hurting. When I took a closer look, something was stuck inside.

I was quite scared. I called my mother and almost started tearing. I tried to push it out, but it just wouldn't. As I was walking in between flats, the only way out was to walk home as fast as possible. I kept walking and walking till I reached home. I started crying, it was rather embarrassing. When my dad came home, he brought me to see a doctor. He said, if he had an injury like mine, he would pull it out himself. But I did not know what to say.

In the end, the doctor pulled it out with some weird metal instrument. He was speaking to the nurse. I heard, "Pass me the scissors. Is the iodine ready?" I was so shocked. I was thinking, "What scissors?!" Then the iodine made it hurt so much. The only "ss" I made the whole visit. When he pulled the lead like thing out, I didn't make a sound. Or I think I didn't. And he wanted to give me an injection to prevent infection. I was quite unhappy. "Why is it so troublesome? The pulling out was pain enough." I said to myself.

Now I am ended up with a plaster on the left arm and a big gauze on the leg. I think I will remove the gauze tomorrow morning and apply some cream that is supposed to help. So, please don't tap and hit my left arm.

Bad day again

I was on Yahoo messenger today when one of my friends from a forum came over to say hi. They were asking about the layout I made on Anna-Popplewell.Net

So the credit on the site was
Graphics: Kheng Wee

then she said that the layout was made by her friend. I was quite frustrated as I made that layout. So she said that her friend's name was Kheng Wee. I was positive that no one had the same name as me on this earth. Then she kept saying I was a liar and such. I was shocked as she usually is nice. She even threatened to tell others. And she started a conference chat. Then she told another person about me acknowledging other people's work We kept arguing and then finally she revealed that she was tricking me.

Luckily I didn't really blow my top or anything, if not I would be totally embarrassed. Thanks to the fact that Kheng Wee is a rare name

Another weird thing, I was late by about 10 minutes for a project meeting. I went to Ang Mo Kio MRT Station and my classmates weren't there, so I SMSed them. They didn't reply or such so I waited for about 15 minutes plus before going home. When I was in the train, then they SMS say they going to MRT to fetch me to Si Lei's house. I was like "ah??" In the end, we had online project discussion, just me and them.

What a dumb and odd day!

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Yesterday, I was meeting Wenxian and Peiyin and Wenxian was late. At first Peiyin and I wanted to have breakfast, but there wasn't enough time. So no breakfast. Upon reaching school, we were learning first aid items and cheers/songs. Only 2 stalls were opened during lunch, so I had no choice but to order more. It didn't taste extremely delicious.

We changed into our uniform and it was super hard. I had to adjust my uniform so many times. And my boots weren't shiny enough. How do I make it shiny? I think I used nearly 1/3 of my can.

We changed out of the uniform and we were late. - 7 mins. into 10. Then we did drills and halfway, I fell out but without saying anything. Coz during water break, I was giddy and I told squadmates in case I fainted or something. Also, I was so confused about lashing. My eyes were blurry. I wanted to buy black socks at West Mall but they didnt have black ones. So Peiyin, Yi Jia, Yanni and I were asking around. They bought the correct hairnets and I was like closing my eyes to rest.

When I got home, I fell asleep after changing out of hongzi. I didn't even eat dinner. This morning, I was super hungry. I started thinking, "Did I eat dinner?" I felt so stupid thinking about it. I wasn't sure, so I decided to ask my maid. All I got was 2 raisin bread.

Now I'm feeling giddy again.

I'm so happy. For play writing, we watched an old play o a DVD. It was so funny. Two guys were trying to be someone called Ernest and their wifes-to-be got misled to think that they were marrying a guy called Ernest. It was fun seeing how they kept up with their lies.

And for Malay appreciation, there was a performance and it was very interesting. They were singing in Enlglish and Malay in the traditional tune. And after that, I got released early, at about 2pm/

I was surprised to see Wenxian and Puay Ling already there. We got to SAC after finishing our food. We were like scribbling on the paper on the wall And we were doing lots of stuff. I was practising my sit-ups with Yi Jia, but I can't get up when interlocking my legs with her.

At around 4pm, I went off with Peiyin and we were hanging at West Mall. My second time there this year. At first we bought tidbits but we ended up buying bubble tea too. Peiyin's mother was rushing her to go home for a company dinner and she drank her bubble tea quickly. She had a brainfreeze and I was laughing about it. And when I got back to the MRT station, I saw Wenxian as my train went off. It was travelling, moving away from the station and Wenxian and I were like looking at each other across. I was too shocked to wave. Peiyin and I went off earlier but Wenxian was actually at the MRT station with us. I guess we spent too much time at West Mall.

Right now, I feel sleepy. I want to wait for supper. For the past few days, my dad has been buying supper but I always fall asleep before he comes back. What a pity. It was western food 2 days ago. How sad. I still have to finish up my play for sabbaticals. Hiaz. Sad. And Haiyun, your comment was too weird. Not that cool after all to be in that accident.

This morning, when I got up the school bus, everything seemed really normal.When I sat beside Hui Qi, she said there was something wrong with the bus. The bus driver didn't shut the door and left it as it is. On the journey, he stopped a few times to inspect his bus. The engine was making weird noises. I was talking to Hui Qi and we were distracted by all of that. And I noticed that he kept stepping on the accelerator. Whenever he did that, the lights would go off. I was telling Hui Qi, the battery could be low. The bus driver was going slowly and when the traffic light turned red, the bus could not stay stationary. The wheels were moving backwards when he stopped the car. I knew the bus would most likely break down halfway, but I didn't ever expect it to crash into a SBS bus and the road divider!

We were at a road and the traffic light just turned green. The bus was speeding up and I was chatting to Hui Qi. Not for a long distance, the bus just swerved after going straight and went up the platform. I was like, "Oh my gosh!" and the front window pane crashed at the word "gosh". I felt the bus losing control and I was panicking. The bus went up the platform so quickly. A SBS bus was in front and I saw the metal green divider being knocked down and it was smashed into awkward pieces.The window had a huge impact. The scariest thing was, the bus was halfway up on the divider platform, so it was really unstable. It was practically tilting towards one side. Immediately after the crash I looked around to see if there were any injuries. Luckily, nothing serious happened to us. However, I was still frightened and Hui Qi was calming me down. Not really, we were desperate to get to school. She was calling her teacher to inform her about the accident. She even told her teacher to inform my form teacher, which was so nice.

I don't think the primary school children understood how dangerous that was. We could have suffered serious injuries if the speed was faster. We were stuck in the middle of the road for like close to half an hour. The paramedics asked us if anyone was injured and counted the number of people. They were asking the bus driver how long the replacement bus would take. Hui Qi was impatient, saying that he did not explain to us what had happened and not letting us know if they would be a bus and such. She was in a rush for her Kampong Glam trip, you see. I kept looking around the bus and we were like trying to get the younger kids to settle down, they probably didn't know that the bus would topple if they made too much movement. It was so stuffy and we were there, sitting, tilted to one side. If you did not sit properly, you could be sliding off your seat from the side.

Everything was so fresh in my memory. We finally got off the bus, slowly. Making minimal movement lest it fell on its side.

It was so scary, I never imagined that would happened. I was really thankful for the blessings. Anyway, I reached school at 8, which was very late. No one stopped me. Oh yes and during lunch I went to look for Mr Mackintosh to like let him know I was in school. Jiajia said Hui Qi's teacher talked to him but I was supposed to tell him when I reached school. I picked up the phone, first time actually and Mr Mackintosh picked up. I was saying that I wanted to look for him and told him I was Kheng Wee lol. He came out and "greeted" me with like, "Hey! So your school bus crashed right?" I nodded my head in astonishment. I don't think my expression was that obvious. He talked a bit more and I thanked him before I left.

I was so happy when I saw squadmates in the canteen. Oh yes, Happy Birthday Sharon ma'am! (Don't think she'll see it, but in my heart, I hope that she'll be happy every second)

I was late for 3rd lang as the bus to pick us up after the Kampong Glam trip was super dooper late. I hitched a ride from Si Hui's parents.

Will everything get better? Let's keep our fingers crossed

Sorry, I am posting the second time. My dad told me that he was lucky I told him not to fetch me. I was walking home from the lift, looking on the ground, I always do that. I tend to bang into people, but I rather not fall down. I was distracted by an "eh!" It was actually my uncle who walked past me, can you believe it? I need to change my habit of looking down, I almost knocked into a ma'am and during the run I crashed badly. I couldn't even "brake" in time.

I looked up and called him. I was wondering what had happened, he rarely comes to my house on a weekday. My dad said his car broke down after fetching my sister, so they got home the same time as me, maybe 1 minute before. That is so weird/ When filling in the RO, ma'ams came just 1 minute after. It was totally unexpected. So I assumed my dad and my sis took my uncle's taxi home. I didn't really get the part about being lucky. It was lucky for my dad I guess, his car didn't break down in the busy Dunearn Rd. But not for me, I still had to struggle up and down the bus and MRT with my uniform cover, my bag and shoe bag. For a moment, I thought I would fall on the MRT track.

It's so late now. Really must go. May many happy returns!

Is it our last ACT with ma'ams? I don't want it to end so soon. I loved the knots we learnt, although I kept getting it wrong. I love how we were learning to prepare our uniform and polish our boots. I can't believe we passed the Total Defence test! Jia you.

Ma'ams...they are so playful, tricking us to believe that we would either not get the badge or everyone gets it except the person who failed. Obviously, no one failed. They tricked us again and again. First it was Sharon ma'am being transferred to Batch 39, then the trial lance corporal test today, which was all a lie. And they bluffed us about us failing the test. Squadmates all said they qi1 pian4 gan3 qing2 Only they get the thrill laughing about it. I was feeling so upset, I was thinking, "Ah I didn't coach Wenxian and Zi Han well enough, I'm such a failure." Now I don't know whether to believe what they say.

We will be having our pre-camp briefing on the 28th this month, I've got to mark the date/ If I'm not wrong, it's 8 to 12. Also, next month, we will be doing marshalling on the 6th in full uniform! And ATC is coming up.

We ran during ACT today and we were cheering. However, Jing-Yi ma'am said to do twinkles. But I have been doing push-ups with squadmates since I came in. I felt really weird when she told me to do twinkles. I only told ma'am about my backbone problem for ATC, as I don't know what we will be doing. I think I should be able to do regular exercises.

My hair was super out of place after doing crunches, and during jumping-jacks. I was so embarrassed. After we were dismissed, we were like looking for ma'ams, asking lots of questions. Sharon ma'am said we were the squad with the most questions and we don't ask them at once. Ah, I don't know what to say. And Jacinta was showing the squashed bug in her shoe and I covered my face. It was rather gross. The squad talk we had been hoping for didn't appear at all. And we won't answer enough ROs to get recre with ma'ams before they leave. Also, they happened to "demand" for chocolate cake. Not exactly, they went, "We want chocolate cake hor." Is chocolate cake really that nice? I haven't really appreciated chocolate cake, just chocolates. Nicole was like, we can buy and squeeze lots of cream over it. And I think Yi Jia said baking wasn't a good idea, they might just get their tummy upset.

NCOs told us to ask the 39 ma'ams what we should and should not do. I wonder when squadmates will do that. There are so many things to do the uniform, the beret, the buttons and the shoe. I must also get, get ....the...triangular bandage.

We learnt the thumb knot, figure 8 knot, slip knot, marlin knot and the reef knot. I am pretty bad at it and I must go practise. It's pretty odd when I post what I have learnt, but it is to jolt my memory when I forget them. I just refer to my blog. Oh yes, we are going to learn the cheers and songs real soon, after briefing I think, if I'm not wrong.

I can't bear the ma'ams to leave us. I don't know if I will tear on POP or before that. I am so upset, it's just 5 months together with them. I wished we had more squad talks.

Quote> You can never get tired of chocolate .sharon ma'am's birthday.

Today, during recess. I was recalling all the projects I've done in Nanyang. I know I'm weird. Then I remembered doing a Peranakan project for LA in around February. I was with Mian Jun, and her sister came along with us. We were introducing ourselves with a few other classmates to Mian Jun's sister. She said she was from NP and and was from Nanyang. At that time, I don't think we were forced to call ma'ams yet. But I didn't maintain a sort of barrier at all! Until I realised my mistake, today.

I am so stupid. I asked Mian Jun which batch her sister was from and it was 37! I'm so dead. I was like speaking, "Hello...Yes...Thanks" I didn't add ma'am that time. I regret it. Mian Jun didn't seem to mind and ma'am didn't tell me about the barrier. I...don't know what to say.

I was so ignorant and didn't pay careful attention to what I said.

Enough about that, I'm ashamed of myself enough.

I am sharing a blog with Zi Han, this is the link http://contrast-blackandwhite.blogspot.com/
I made the layout myself, comment about it if you like

I hope nothing goes wrong tomorrow. We have so many things to bring.

I'm tired of everything. The stress, the pressure. As a cadet, there's pressure from everyone to do good drills. I try to keep myself happy in school, but I can't take it anymore. Not even the NP songs help now. A squadmates is kinda angry at me and I don't know why. I feel like knocking my head against the wall and die. Or just run into a speeding car, crash and end everything.

NPCC means a whole lot to me, and I hate it when squadmates are unhappy. Some squadmates keep us in suspense and I never knew we weren't supposed to probe. Every DALT, we worry if we can remove all the equipments from ma'ams'. Not even chocolates, or music can cheer me up. Not even the funniest comedian can make me laugh.

What did I do wrong? I can't seem to describe it. It's just that older people can't help, it's a problem that must be solved between ourselves. I was advised to stay away from the pissed squadmate. My tears are rising and rising, up to my eyelids and I am bursting anytime.

I was too sad to even MSN a classmate who was feeling very enthusiastic, sorry Si Hui. I am feeling very numb and on the verge of breaking down. I need a break, a break from everything. Move away from earth and shift in my own world.

Going dead soon.

It's 9 now. I just ate my dinner and got home. I'm so happy as 41 has gotten their uniforms! I am so proud of squadmates! My mum came to the bus stop to help me carry my stuff when I got off the bus at Jurong.

I shall not say anything about NAPFA. I hate it! I only want to say things I like, for example - DALT. A few squadmates changed and we were like digging for our wallets and handphones Then Jiajia sabo-ed me, asked me to be timer. I was like going through the steps in my head when we jogged to jiao lian. I said, "Urp, jiao lian wu an." That went pretty smoothly. However, we still had to ask for permission to join the squad. I was in front and I think I urped to greet ma'am from afar. I was hesitant for a while before I took the lead to move in front of ma'am. The first time I urped, they didn't say anything. So it was just me and I turned back immediately. Obviously, it was samula. I urped twice, once to greet ma'am and to ask for permission after moving forward without banging. Finally, I urped the last time to thank ma'am. We learnt a new hua called qian shou guan yin. I missed part of it, so I guess I'll have to ask squadmates how to do it.

I took 157 again with squadmates and a few of our ma'ams were on the bus. We were kinda separated, considering that Yan Ni and Wenxian were sitting in front. I was trying to get my uniform back from her the whole while after the bus had empty seats. But so many people were standing. I am puzzled, why don't they just sit and we'll have more space.

Oh yes, the camp date is changed to 20-22 June. I wonder when we'll get the kit list. I really hope the ma'ams will teach us the cheers that we haven't learnt.

I am so hungry now. I am like the food terminator. I don't want ma'ams to leave us. Not saying it's a bad thing, the 39 ma'ams are already giving their comments about us during "reflection" time. When I hear negative comments, I always feel very sad. We didn't meet the expectations. I just hope our squad will grow together and become stronger and active.

Oh yes, I need to practise my drills for the Lance Corporal trial test. Jia you squadmates!
+41 CADET+

I am so excited about the camp. However, we might not get enough sleep, so I might fall asleep. I fall asleep almost anywhere. I told Wenxian that before and she says she falls asleep while standing. I couldn't beat her in talking lol.

And I went to Coronation Plaza with some squadmates to alter the shi dai. Luckily the uncle didn't ask for payment, yet at least. I'm worried about DALT. I can't seem to play with the drum well. I don't get the rhythm myself. The first few sessions were okay as there were numbers and I could practise at home. Now I can't even practise even if I wanted to!

And I have NAPFA tomorrow. I'm so upset for my NAPFA 2.4km. I've never gotten a B for running before. I keep damaging my records. I'm so going to fail my pull-ups. I can't do it properly. I heard that it is really strict. I haven't been practising for my NAPFA, lik e the jump and the sit-ups. I am so inflexible. I hope I can get a gold, considering ma'ams said NPCC people should be getting gold. Ah! So pressurised.

My dad drove to school during lunch, bringing about 30-40cm plus of newspapers. He said I wouldn't be able to carry it up the bus and across the overhead bridge. I was agreeing too. I think he is going to come to school again tomorrow.

I just feel that I've been dragging past these 6 months in school. I am feeling so down all the time, my friends say... I nearly got lost this afternoon.

Quote: NP is all about love and friendship, not forgetting drills.

I actually ran my 2.4km today, after Art. The teacher asked me to redraw my shoe. I am a bad artist. I love the NP songs, replaying them over and over again!

I was rather slow for the run, considering I didn't take my breakfast again. I was keeping pace with myself, I mean I didn't sprint suddenly and stop suddenly. But I walked once during the run At the end, I dashed like for half a round. Jiajia said Clarissa got the fastest timing among the whole squad. I am so can2 kui4.

During LA, it was super fun. Ms Foo was giving us tongue twisters to read, or you can say rattle. I kept getting stuck and my tongue kept rolling around my braces, it was amusing. Everyone was so good, better than me.

My group was lacking for FPS, didn't do much in that hour.

At lunch, ma'ams came to collect our shi dai from us when we were having lunch together as a squad. I don't know why, I just get nervous. I feel like digging my head under the table. We passed the bag of shidais to ma'ams and they walked away. However, ma'ams came back, asking why we were missing one shi dai. Wenxian thought she dropped one shidai when she left the shidais in the locker. I was worried and asked Sharon ma'am if I could go with Wenxian to check her locker. Ma'am told us to hurry. I dashed off with Wenxian and her green dripping ice cream. She asked me to hold her ice cream while she opened the locker. It was dripping quickly and I was rushing her. She said to lick it if I wanted to when I joked with her. It was funny when I was holding the ice cream for her to lick. She was like tip toeing to reach the high locker and she was looking at me for the ice cream. I just pushed the ice cream in her mouth, not that roughly.

In the end, it was Yueqi's shi dai which was missing. So ma'ams told us to alter all the shi dais at coro ourselves. How sad

And during Japanese class, my teacher asked my partner in Japanese, if I was a lively girl. She wanted to teach the word "lively". So Si Hui was asking me, are you lively? I was begging her not to ask me. We looked at each other for a while and sensei waited..She said I was not a lively girl. So sad. But never mind.

Also, a stupid hachi (bee) flew in. We were like dodging the bee and opened all the windows to let it fly out, but it just didn't! It flew above our heads, along the walls. The lesson stopped for about 5 minutes before sensei called for help on her phone. While she was speaking on the phone, the bee was buzzing everywhere like mad. Aoi sensei ducked down and bent her body left and right. It was so funny yet many schoolmates were screaming. I was afraid, but I would never ever scream, unless I'm robbed or something. We wanted to move to the other classrooms, so we just grabbed our books and pencil case and moved over. We didn't even carry our bags. About a minute later, sensei walked back and didn't see the bee and she got us to go back. Kinda irritating, not sensei, but the moving. I hardly got settled down in the other classroom and we had to move back.

+++++++++

I feel so weird. I am like more expressive and I seem to have more initaitive nowadays. I am guessing NP is the reason. Ma'ams have helped me grow more confident slowly, bit by bit through all the activities. My stamina is getting better. When I think silently, I have many things in mind. My dad was staring at me, when I was looking into space on the car, as if possessed or something like that. He said I was quiet and motionless.

And at home, I was staring at my TD notes with no reason. Then I noticed the word "jiayou!" written by ma'ams before they gave us the notes. I was inspired to write JY! all over my fingernails. I know, I know, I'm so weird. When I MSNed Pei Yin and Jiajia, they went o.0 and hhaha!

I'm determined to learn all the Chinese songs before the term ends...

Worried about everything/

So many things happened today. Not really, but just let me flow everything out.

We practised drills early in the morning, it was super cold. But I liked the windy weather, makes me feel like going to dreamland. I was so sleepy the whole day during class. Mr Mackintosh actually called me to answer the question for history, I was in a daze and just read from what I wrote 5 minutes ago. He was staring at my notes.

Also, I didn't really catch lessons, I mean, I couldn't take in what was taught. I only got around 7 for my quiz.

During recess, I went to eat a burger so that I won't have to eat during lunch. It was quite worrying. I missed my LA remedial again to discuss with my teacher about FPS. Something interesting happened, Li Lao Shi was saying how inpractical it was to have a guard to protect a national treasure. Also, we typed in the report, 保护牛车水的样貌. It ended up with 牛车水的羊毛. Li lao shi was like so funny, telling us how ridiculous how report was. She said she was wondering why we wanted to protect the fur. We were thinking, "Fur?" before she showed us the report we had typed. That was so embarrassing.

Nearing to the end of lunch, we took our shi dai to pass to ma'ams. Yesterday, I couldn't reach 3 persons and I was so frightened. I was calling squadmates up and I even asked Nicole's brother to pass the message. He didn't understand the shi dai part, so he woke her up instead. It was seriously terrifying, especially at such a time at night. I didn't know squadmates sleep so early.

During ACT, I was looking forward to recre. We learnt another two new commands, squad maju - banging and starting to march. Also, we learnt to do kekenan lurus during marching and we had to turn 180 degrees, using the TLV method. It was pretty interesting though. I just couldn't get myself to do it fast enough. I was feeling so depressed. Ma'ams told us we would be having a mini competition for the drills we learnt this afternoon. When practising with Nicole, Pei Ting, Joyce and Esther, I was so down. Joyce said I was doing well. I was doubting myself still.

Then we did PT, we ran up the stairs, and stopped every now and then to do crunches, push-ups and jumping jacks. Some squadmates stopped and I was rather surprised. I was sweating and sweating. I'm a sweaty person. It seemed a long time. After a water break, we started to play rugby, as wanted by other squadmates. We finally decided to try a new game after having played so many times of Captain's Ball. It was pretty rough and I got whacked and hit a few times. The most painful one was on the stomach. During Captain's ball, it hurt a lot and I kept missing the ball. I bet the ma'ams must be frustrated with me. I then got pushed on the floor, hard. Everyone snatched for the ball~

I wonder when we can get recre with ma'ams again... It will be so lonely this Friday during ACT, with only 2 person to start with.

Another thing, I was so shocked when I read in the news that people get killed by falling trees recently. It is just so impossible and now in Singapore and Malaysia, people just get trapped when the trees fall on them. I bet we did something, and the weather caused the trees to turn like that. If we are not doing anything about it, I think we can prepare to die in a few years time. These kind of reports are just so sad. I'm still stuck with my depression.

I just want to scream and let out whatever I want, shout to unbottle everything, but I wonder where, just where I can do that...

I don't think I can make it. It's on Wednesday....

Oh yea, jia you for squadmates for last part of TD Test. Will I miss 3rd lang if I go for NAPFA?

I'm so confused. trying to figure some html.

Well, blog later..

Quote: Chocolates are addictive.

Since my mum isn't watching, I'll just sneak a post in at this hour. Well, U've been trying to call squadmates and they aren't picking up. Let's hope they'll get my sms. Now I have to complete my essay!!

I'm so dead. Wenxian, don't let my efforts go to waste. I'm pinning my hopes on you, since I'm your coach. I visited your blog, by the way. So what did I do? Oh, I should say, what didn't I do? ...Um, everything.

I've completed my Japanese essay, my CME report, my maths worksheet. And I've called ma'am today to tell her about the test. I was so frightened. I forgot to ask her something, so I had to call again.

This post is gonna be short. One more thing, I wanna learn to code my blog like Wenxian's, that is, when I get my blog on blogspot or freewebs. She is so good. Actually, I have lots of things in mind. I must learn my drills well too. ACT is on Tuesday.

I see many people counting down on their MSN to holidays. But I'm not. The more I count, the more depressed I get. Counting down makes me realise how little days ma'ams will be with us. Depressing right?

Now, I'll try to finish my other homework. Will post if I have time later on.

New section///my line of the day +++ "Balloons are like ice cream, they make you happy. Same for chocolates."

I'm home finally. I'm so tired. This morning, I met up with squadmates at the piano. Then for the whole day, I was rushing to get my Maths file packed. I also desperately did my uncompleted Science worksheet. In the end, Ms Chooi said we could hand the file in on Monday.

Before DALT, many squadmates did not know how to tie the shi dai. We were grabbing the shi dai and our shi ku down to the NP room to ask ma'ams how to wear them. It was rather embarrassing, I kept getting it wrong. During running, we were singing and cheering. When I looked down, I saw my shi ku hanging loosely at one end. I was so shocked. I just stepped out and saw many squadmates and ma'ams run past me. Glenda also came out and I realised she had the same problem as me. We asked ma'am if we could change and we were tying our shi dai in a nearby toilet. I was sweating like a water tap..

Once we were done, we had to catch up with everyone else. When I was running, I was wondering how long Glenda ran with her pants loose. I didn't wait long, I immediately stopped when I saw my shi ku loose. I was afraid it might drop.

We learnt new "hua"s. I'll remember to post them in the squad mail.

I can't believe how so many squadmates are out today. Yi Jia didn't come for DALT as she had been sick for 4 days. Yue Qi injured her leg during DALT. Zi Han was in pain when she fell in.

I was really upset that Zi Han went home. Nicole said she could be having cramps. I was listening to ma'ams speaking about the beats when Yee Lin ma'am tapped me from behind and asked me to follow her. I was hesitant at first, I was reminded of Pei Yin getting tricked out of the hike. However, my instinct told me to go. I jogged after her as she sped up. She said Zi Han was going home and I was to get her bag. I was unsure what she brought today, so I asked her how many bags she had got. It was rather stupid. I dashed up the stairs, looked for her bag among the 20 over bags all over the table and the ground and finally found it. I just picked everything that belonged to Zi Han and ran down. She looked very pale. I only said about a few words to her before I jogged back to the squad.

Around that time or so, I can't remember. I saw Yue Qi sitting behind the thick mat. It was like so many squadmates getting physically ill.

When bringing the gu up, Wenxian and I was holding and she said, "You are so tall. It's so hard to balance it." And one ma'am said, "Next time get someone around the same height to carry the gu." Wenxian saw Puay Ling nearby and just called her to carry the gu/

The feeling when ma'am talked to us was rather complex. I didn't know whether to grin or be ashamed. When walking with Puay Ling, we were counting "1 2..." up the stairs. My fingers hurt when I carried it wrongly. I shifted my hands a little to the fleshy part to support the drum base.

After that, Sharon ma'am, Jing-yi ma'am and Yee Lin ma'am was talking to us about random stuff. Not exactly, but just a few topics they mentioned. They told us about the shi dai being too short, telling our squadmates what we have learnt. They also revealed the results of the Total Defence test. They changed the passing mark to 70%, I think. We requested for the 4 squadmates who failed to retest again. And regarding that, the ma'ams asked for a volunteer to confirm the date and time for the last retest. I did not why, but I felt that I should be doing that. So I was the only one raising up my hand. I thought others would volunteer too.

But oh well, it's not that bad. I can try to know my squadmates better. I should also remember to ask ma'ams for the address if they are unable to help us deliver the shi dai to Coronation to lengthen them.

After we were dismissed, I got changed and went to the canteen. Bought two drinks after loaning from Wenxian. Peiyin and I got so frustrated with Wenxian that we decided to leave first. Not really mad, just impatient. We got out of school in time, before the security guard closed it.

We crossed the bridge and waited for the buses. However, they seemed to be so crowded and I was calling Zi Han. So in the end, we waited for Wenxian. [When I was looking around, Peiyin said she saw Jing-yi ma'am. Surprised, I saw her while waiting for Wenxian] Wenxian was waving and waving above the bridge. I kept signalling for her to get down. She didn't get me, obviously. She was like...zhang1 ya1 wu2 zhuo3. Looking like a mad freak. I stopped and looked at the steps, waiting for her "grand" arrival. She was still taking her own sweet time.

Coincidentally, the next bus that came was 157. The three of us got up and so did ma'am *..* Very nervous. When I reached Lakeside, I saw a councillor from Nanyang when I came out of Cheers. I didn't know so many Nanyang girls live in Jurong. One of my classmates live near me. Kinda stunned too. I was too tired anyway, didn't think much. I climbed the overhead bridge and struggled down the steps. I missed my bus as I was still chewing my chocolate bar that I got from Cheers (See how greedy I am?)

After getting up the second one, I reached home in about 10 minutes. I am so glad to be home. Now updating my blog and going to sleep soon. I hope all squadmates get better soon! Squadmates, jia you for TD Test!

Today after CIP, I was in the canteen with Peiyin. Then we got spotted in the canteen. I feel like I'm always spotted in the canteen, buying food. It happened on a few occasions. So pathetic. I was telling Peiyin if I kept eating at that rate, I'll go overweight someday.

Peiyin got onto my father's car and she dropped off at Jurong East MRT station. My father drove to a nearby McDonald's and we were eating. For me, eating = again/

I feel so useless. I chatted with my dad, about my results and subjects. I didn't do very well for many subjects. Luckily, he wasn't in a bad mood. In a way, I was preparing him for the shock he might get when he collects the report book.

When he drove a distance back, I was depressed. I saw Jurong Calvary (squadmates know where it is), Corporation Drive then Ho Ching Rd. I saw an ambulance with its lights flashing on the roadside. Then I realised a dented taxi. A man with an injured arm was speaking to a female police officer. It seemed pretty serious.

On the journey home, I see so many things. I do many things unknowingly. I don't know why.

During recess, a golden band from the rubbish bin was on the floor, in between the corridor. I was staring at it when I walked past to refill my water. Soon, I just took it up and attached it back to the dustbin again. I seriously have no idea what I am doing. But it was nothing wrong, fortunately.

Right now, I feel so bloated. Just had curry rice, which was very "overloading". There was still orange. I feel so uncomfortable. I have to get to my work soon.

Now, I see an email from batch 39 ma'ams. It says to prepare twigs and rags and twines. That's pretty interesting. I haven't done anything like that before. I'll go seek the opinions of my squadmates now.

..Everyone keeps reminding me of the number of ACTs we have left with our NCOs. I need to relax, using my way/

I just don't know why. I feel so depressed. I can't find the reason! That's so frustrating.

What should I do about it? I just realised that ma'ams are all around the school during breaks. That's something which can cheer me up, sorta. Noticed that today///

Let me see. I spot my sister playing with the mic. I wonder what she is doing, but that's quite irritating, lots of sound coming out of the audio system. Guess what she says?

"The person in red, on the computer, look at me right now," I was like "??!" My red t-shirt looks terrible. And she thinks she's a commander or something/ She's only in Primary 4. I'm not going to scold her or anything. I always get into trouble for that.

Life is boring, and it is so stressful. A letter from the school says parents have to collect the report books from school. I'm really upset. I think I failed so many items. Maybe that's part of the reason I feel down.

Self-reflecting is kinda useful, I think. I feel sleepy, but I'm afraid I'll forget to do some homework. I'm really a worrier. What did I do today? That reminds me.

I have to teach Yijia the new commands we learnt. I taught her over MSN just now, the next thing to do is to demo. It would be really weird to teach halfway. I come up with an equation. NPCC=my life. I've never regreted joining NPCC, which is such a good thing.

I feel that I'm going bonkers. Sidetracking or crapping here. Wenxian says crapping is going to the toilet.

I always think of the fact that ma'ams are passing out soon. Very sad. Zihan and I like ma'ams, we were giggling over squad talk. The ma'ams wanted to know who we liked. I don't think they know

Really miss squad talks, although we just had it on Tuesday, yesterday. Maybe I should start getting off soon. I'm still not finding my main reason of worry. This self-reflection thing doesn't work that well. Perhaps I'll try another time.

Yay, NPCC again. We had squad talk just before NP ended. Ma'ams are passing out really soon. Very depressed. Let me paste the notes I wrote for the commands, before I forget..
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
so 1st command is dalam _____(buka/tutup) berisa kekenan lurus/

timing; 1-1 1-chek-1

note: buka=open tutup=close

2nd command
______(number. etc; dua) langkar ____(direction etc;keblakan +can be all 4 directions, max 4 steps) gra

timing; depends. etc 2 steps - 1 2
notes; to sides, would be two taps = 1 also, max only 4 steps. 1 step = satu ~ 2=dua 3= tiga 4 = empat

3rd command
langkar meriso (direction either right or left ONLY) _____gra

timing; 1 chek 1 chek till (chek 1, for berhenti )
notes; right n left only.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I feel that I'm lazy, posted the same thing in squad mail too

I remember Yee Lin ma'am said she wanted to be a part-time zoo keeper, which was pretty funny. Haha :D And another interesting question was, which vehicle would the ma'ams pick if they could choose between a motorbike and sports car. Some answers were unexpected, really had a great time during squad talk. Learnt 3 new drills too! I'm afraid I can't remember. The DALT beats too. Jing-yi ma'am mentioned something like the Carmen tune, which I am unsure which beat to clap. I'm such a disappointment.

I really love NP, but was shocked for the fact that we get only 3-4 hours of sleep during the Annual NP Camp/ Nevertheless, it'll still be fun. Five squadmates in a group with other ma'ams. I wonder which group I will be in. I remember Charlie is blue, my favourite colour. It doesn't matter anyway, just hope that everything goes well.

jia you~ 41-4eva!

Today, during DALT, my arm was aching and my leg was feeling all prickly. I was rather sad when I couldn't play the ba well. Squadmates had to do push-ups but I didn't. I felt really really bad. I was wobbly at some time.

In school, when I told Luona about the lead going in my leg, she was like, "How can that even happen?" I guess I am stupid. I mean, a lead just went in my leg like that! I ate quite a lot for recess. At first we were having pizza from Mr Mackintosh, but the phone operator didn't know when NYGH was. So we didn't get it. I thought many people knew where Nanyang was. Kinda puzzling/

I've gotten back Maths and LA. It is so disappointing. I am like the lowest in class for everything. I feel like kicking myself right now!

After school, I met up with squadmates and we were chatting. I bought some Hershey's and shared them with squadmates, it tasted rather chocolatey. I've never tried it before.

During DALT, the ma'ams taught us qi bu - 123456 dong 1234 111 1123， then xiao jian - 12 12 da dong 12 12 da dong 12 12 1 1 123, zhong jian - 12 12 da dong 1 12 12 da dong 1 12 12 da dong 12 12 1 1 123 (i'm not really sure about the "jian“，will try it out on the table. Post my results later...)

We got scolded by ma'ams for not putting ba properly. I thought when we started to move off it was quite neat. I think it wasn't put properly for the last ones. That is so sad. I feel kind of upset. And ma'ams are passing out so soon!

I was going home, with Haiyun. But Haiyun got stopped by a student counsellor, who is my ma'am. I didn't know what to do. Then we crossed the overhead bridge and took a bus to Clementi MRT Station. We got bubbletea and we spent some time drinking it. Only at about 4pm did we board the bus to continue our journey.

Upon reaching my destination, I began to walk home. While nearing a playground, I was swinging my handbag to and fro. It wasn't really moving, but when I walked, the bag tend to swing. At one point, the bag swiped past my leg and I felt pain. It wasn't that strong at first, I scratched my leg at first. I suddenly realised that it was bleeding after I felt it hurting. When I took a closer look, something was stuck inside.

I was quite scared. I called my mother and almost started tearing. I tried to push it out, but it just wouldn't. As I was walking in between flats, the only way out was to walk home as fast as possible. I kept walking and walking till I reached home. I started crying, it was rather embarrassing. When my dad came home, he brought me to see a doctor. He said, if he had an injury like mine, he would pull it out himself. But I did not know what to say.

In the end, the doctor pulled it out with some weird metal instrument. He was speaking to the nurse. I heard, "Pass me the scissors. Is the iodine ready?" I was so shocked. I was thinking, "What scissors?!" Then the iodine made it hurt so much. The only "ss" I made the whole visit. When he pulled the lead like thing out, I didn't make a sound. Or I think I didn't. And he wanted to give me an injection to prevent infection. I was quite unhappy. "Why is it so troublesome? The pulling out was pain enough." I said to myself.

Now I am ended up with a plaster on the left arm and a big gauze on the leg. I think I will remove the gauze tomorrow morning and apply some cream that is supposed to help. So, please don't tap and hit my left arm.

Bad day again

I was on Yahoo messenger today when one of my friends from a forum came over to say hi. They were asking about the layout I made on Anna-Popplewell.Net

So the credit on the site was
Graphics: Kheng Wee

then she said that the layout was made by her friend. I was quite frustrated as I made that layout. So she said that her friend's name was Kheng Wee. I was positive that no one had the same name as me on this earth. Then she kept saying I was a liar and such. I was shocked as she usually is nice. She even threatened to tell others. And she started a conference chat. Then she told another person about me acknowledging other people's work We kept arguing and then finally she revealed that she was tricking me.

Luckily I didn't really blow my top or anything, if not I would be totally embarrassed. Thanks to the fact that Kheng Wee is a rare name

Another weird thing, I was late by about 10 minutes for a project meeting. I went to Ang Mo Kio MRT Station and my classmates weren't there, so I SMSed them. They didn't reply or such so I waited for about 15 minutes plus before going home. When I was in the train, then they SMS say they going to MRT to fetch me to Si Lei's house. I was like "ah??" In the end, we had online project discussion, just me and them.

What a dumb and odd day!

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Still growing up in the midst of university. My friends tell me I think a lot, which could be good or bad depending on how you see it. I'm currently studying Linguistics in NTU. At the same time, I am involved in NPCC and various school activities. I guess this blog will include bits and pieces of my new experiences for sharing! Definitely looking forward to trying and learning new things <3

NYNPCCDALT 41, NYCT2'08, NYCT2'10, 202'08, 406'09
NPAP'09, Dramafeste '11/12, CIBTC J11
Hall 6 13/14

→ Taylor Swift 1st CD!
→ A nice camera to take photos
→ The Hunger Games series
→ Justin Bieber CD - My World 2.0
→ First Step 2 Forever
→ New school stuff.

links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first