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你拉我拉， 你拉我拉， 一二拉。。。
This is probably just going to be a simple collection of my life. Thanks for stopping by.

: kheng wee, 2 february.
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December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 August 2010 October 2010 November 2010 January 2011 January 2012 January 2014 June 2014 October 2014 December 2014 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015

The last day of National Mourning has just passed. It has been an emotional week. Unexpectedly but surely, Singaporeans showed their love and appreciation for Mr Lee Kuan Yew - a deserving and inspiring visionary, founding father and family man strongly. :'(

I put up many posts about Mr Lee lately. I sat by the television many a time to catch old footage and tribute videos. I went to the Parliament House. I went to the community tribute site. I saw how people around were touched in their lives by Mr Lee by one way or another, despite their immense grief. I experienced a surge of emotions at some point in time, like others.

It's already February, and I have just turned twenty-one. Coincidentally, two hundred posts! This must be a mini celebratory moment. I get a feeling of surrealism and nostalgia, possibly over the days I have lived through for the past twenty years. The idea of being an adult hasn't really sunk in yet. Are there more things I can do, now that I'm twenty-one? Hmm.

Being twenty-one feels different in name, but not that much different in feeling. I just hope that people around me will stay healthy and happy. For myself, I hope that I can continue to stay close with people around me, and I can get to do what I love - kind of to just live in the moment more. Well, I think I have to do a lot better in school because my results have not been that satisfactory ._.

The previous few days have been a series of ups and downs actually. Over the weekend, I lost my laptop, and also went through a full circle to retrieve it. And I blamed myself sooo much. It was really a long story. I had to trace and contact people, and get into many different modes. I think I had my lucky star shining on me. The people who helped were very nice and friendly.

Also, my birthday was "celebrated" again by a bunch of people. I think I should find a cave to hide within. REALLY. I'm not facing myself again for now. Well, after the whole time, there was a lot of eating involved and bringing my Aussie exchange friend to places. Places I actually haven't been to before, so technically I was following and exploring too. Yes to local good food and pastry :) *glutton me*

On another note, I attended one of my close friends Eileen's birthday party planned by her boyfriend, that she did not know about until she arrived at the place. You can't help but go aww :)  Kar Yee and I had gone to buy the presents, which were picked carefully. Because the buyers were two of us, there were a lot of back and forth considerations - "this would look good" or "that is too shiny" haha. It was slightly awkward so we waited for more people because we barely knew her other friends. It was nice to see a few fellow HC and NY friends. Zi Han was there too yay, so I could catch up with her.

It's a pity not many people I know are blogging (or maybe they have secret blogs), I used to enjoy visiting blogs of people I am closer to. I find that words are great to convey inner thoughts and to know someone better. Actually, listening to songs helps me feel more at peace. Or it is a way to express myself when I hum along. I'm not sure whether people actually listen to songs based on my recommendation (maybe I know of only one or two people who will actually do that)

 
I never see the forest for the trees, I could really use your melody

 
Now I'm fourfiveseconds from wildin' 
And we got three more days 'til Friday 
I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday, mornin'

What have I done lately? Not much actually, just reading articles and books online. Mockingjay in text is really powerful in my opinion, but I have yet to watch the actual movie yet. All the what-ifs that run through my head as a result of reading it. How nice it would be to get the whole series in paperback version.  I think Katniss manages to stay true to herself despite all the chaos, and her courage despite all those adversities inspires me. And I read Ellen Degeneres' Seriously...I'm Kidding (note the punctuations, she actually manages to keep it consistent throughout her books); it's thought-provoking about life but funny and simple at the same time. You will probably get the same kind of vibe from the book, if you watch her shows. Some of her words echo my thoughts to an extent, surprisingly.

I don't know if you agree or not, but I think reading helps you to find out about yourself (says a wise me, at least it applies for me in this phase of my life).

And you may ask, what have I found out myself? Well...that is a tough question. I would not say I have uncovered everything about myself, but I started to reflect on my own views.

I might have discovered that I am not the person most people think I am. How can I put this into words as neutrally? For example, people should not judge a book by its cover (so if you are thinking about something you believe about me, dig deeper). And behind every scar there is a story behind it. Perhaps, there is a fine line between pessimism and optimism. Maybe I'm stepping away from something because there was a history behind it, or I'd rather not watching history happen to me again. Maybe I'm just more sensitive but every little action makes or breaks things to me; but I trust my good old sense usually (it has been reliable in my life). Maybe it's human nature to be there first hand when something is 'happening' and also human nature to run away when there is something to be done. By that same token, I do my best to avoid such pitfalls and take calculated risks in my daily life, just like how I would view Courage and Empathy, for empty talks make me feel disappointed. But then again, is it because I choose not to inflict such pain on others that I have experienced, that they can never understand what I feel? Then it happens to me from the others again? What should I do? Let people feel it?

Some people would probably brush these things off as old me overthinking, but why can't it be a case of you not thinking enough? I mean, I'm just trying to offer another perspective. Of course I understand people prefer to spend their lives doing other things compared to thinking, which is totally fine with me. But what happens if your actions and words cut someone else? (Figuratively.) I choose to believe that everyone has a decision to their words and actions, so all the things about being not conscious do not sound that convincing to me. I have bore the brunt of that, if you ever had realised. If you did realise, does that mean you are consciously choosing to act a certain way? Both are negative in my view, but the latter is worse. Then I should try to break away from this cycle. Do I know what brings out the best and worst in me? Yes, I do. And this point on the map is where I should not be, status quo, unless something changes.

Ever since I posted somewhere about what a certain four letter means, I have been wondering whether that word has meant the same thing for all of us. Maybe it meant the same thing to you, just at a different point, a point in the past, and now it does not mean anything else. Did everything ever mean anything? If that's the case in which it does not mean anything, why do we want to drag other people into this, to take your place, again? I'm confused, or maybe it is just me. I don't like the idea of giving someone something I dislike, like say re-gifting a Christmas present for example. Why? Can someone explain this patiently? (I don't think anyone is patient enough, just getting with your life well could be good enough, oh well the human nature.)

All these things keep running through my head, almost all the time that it makes me lost. But I don't think anyone understands. If only I could view it simply - if you like something you do it and vice versa. Sigh D:

I usually listen to songs to get about such things, so I will post up some songs for a cold rainy day. I recently caught a glimpse of S Club 7 on youtube and found out all about them in the early 2000s, heard their songs and they are really good! I remember my seniors choreographed an item for us in Primary 2 using the song Reach. And they have got other songs such as Bring It All Back (which Jolin did), Never Had a Dream Come True, Don't Stop Movin', S Club Party etc

I sound so busy, with so many things on my schedule. Now there are even assignments coming up, released at this point of time and due soon. I totally understand worrying doesn't solve much, what if I can't even produce something for submission? My grades are off in a way for other work.

Really hoping for good grades in order to try certain things; one can always hope right? And there are reasons for that.

I question many things, what does it take to work? Differences and doubts surround. Don't think it is going to be sensed, maybe I could front it this way (ha.ha.)

Have you ever gotten the feeling of finding a small amount of free time, out of your hectic schedule, and getting slightly happy about it?

I actually found a pocket of free time to blog in a place not in my home! This is exciting, but it feels as if I have to finish this up really soon :(

Had to see a new Chinese doctor which my parents see; though it is unfortunate that I have lessons and stuff almost every day that my dad has to pick me up from morning class then send me back to school again. Got a huge amount of herbs-smelling pills and mixtures. Here's hoping that I will be less prone to falling ill.

Year 2 of university life is a little crazy because everything just happens to be crammed together. I'm liking what I study in Linguistics, but sometimes it gets a little stressful (and I think my face says it all unfortunately). I'm really hoping I will have the time in the future to try new things, like a new internship or a job to know what I want to do in the future! Everyone seems to have a direction in life haha.

Think I have to go soon...

Can't believe tomorrow is the anniversary...

I really don't care (hardly). There have been so many things causing me to feel really upset.

You do unto people how you want to be treated, but that is hardly the case. I would not generalise for all cases. Sometimes people only "remember" you when you are needed, and choose not to show concern if it is not needed. Or if you are not so important, then your worries will be placed behind　without hesitation. If that is the case, why am I expected to connect emotionally? Since knowing that putting in your emotions 100% will not bear anything, I would rather not try again in that regard. Having to talk about it defeats the point, if you get the idea, so let us not go there.

Sneaky things have been happening too, I really dislike how people assume so many things and use my name for something that I did not agree to. If you wish to do something, why can't it be done in an open manner? Are you afraid to be judged? Then why do it in the first place?

Being ill these few days after 11 consecutive days of camp have made me realised many things. You can tell who is genuinely concerned. Even the doctor and my parents said to rest a lot. It is the first time seeing little bits of blood in my phlegm but I really hope it is a one-off thing. I doubt anyone knew or saw the worry, it is definitely not normal, no matter how I see it. And if there is any further fever, it could be dengue and all (although I doubt that is the case). Honestly speaking, I have just been feeling super light-headed and uncomfortable and I wonder when it will stop. If I could rewind the clock, maybe I should have been more aware.


P.S. Thankful to have seen Taylor live in RED on 9th June!

I just feel that I needed some sort of way to record my feelings. Although one of my resolutions (kind of) is to look at the positive side of things and be more happy, sometimes I get this sad tingly feeling... For example, my dad told us to keep a certain day free as the whole extended family will be going to the usual buffet place for Chinese New Year lunch, like last year. The words "last year" triggered a emotion high for me unknowingly, because my brain automatically clicked back to last CNY lunch and I remembered my grandma being there, not just last year but also past buffets. Then it dawned upon me that the only difference this year is that she will not be there. All the memories just start flooding back, from the point where I went home one fine Friday to realise the horrible news and see her lying there, seeing the undertakers bring her out, all the way to helping to settle the funeral matters :( It went from unbelievable shock to mind blank to sadness to having to be strong. (because everyone was equally upset and it was the last little thing I could do)

It feels so surreal, just thinking about "last year" or every time I enter her room (now occupied with some of my dad's things). Sometimes I worry if I will end up forgetting her or having my memory fade out. I rarely cry but I remember how I cried so badly. So many things happened last year. I know life goes on (probably what some people would say) but I just get affected whenever I think back with any random triggers, going from high to low.

Some stuff also happened today, of course I was not as shaken as the last incident. I just hope the words were taken in from a certain first-hand perspective and let's hope for the best. Sometimes I just wish I could just drop some things and go back to the simple world (like training juniors more which is probably something my officers would happily welcome).
 

Time to worry, because school is starting soon. It's semester 2 wow, there are indeed a lot of things coming up. I'm hoping to put in more time on my studies though, because I know I can do better so I shall have to get my priorities right!

At this point of time, I am wondering if I should be working. It started when my previous employer at the florist shop texted me to ask if I can return for the Valentine's Day period since I worked last year. Can I call it a money crunch? I mean I know that I will not have problems getting by the semesters because my parents will pay my expenses, but it's not a nice feeling knowing that there are so many expenses... And furthermore, if I have a job I can pay for myself too. I'm pondering and balancing my options - perhaps taking a job, or selling old items or clothes. No doubt, I can foresee my family/friends asking me to focus on my studies and making full use of my time in university while it lasts.

So one thing is about earning money. The other thing is wanting to venture into writing or internship opportunities! It would be a nice challenge for myself, to pen down ideas. I saw this email about signing up for school's paper Nanyang Chronicle, it sounds like a way to start small but oh tian, I am getting myself in many things already. I might consider that in another semester > <

Ended my campcraft comp meeting late on Friday (and saw squadmates omg, would have loved to hang with them) so I went back to hall close to midnight. Speaking of hall, I think I am surviving okay in hall. Though there's so many things going on, the people are mostly friendly. But haha, I have this thing where I am a little afraid/hesitant to talk to seniors (maybe because from my UG background). And...most people around me are seniors. LOL, oh well.

There's this list of to-dos I need to settle as well! Random minutes, jotting on my organiser, send emails. Basketball. Hockey? (but I doubt we will train since IHG will not be anytime near) Hope everyone has fun and does well in all their upcoming games. I also want to spend some time on Korean and dance too.

*breathes* It helps to get things sorted out but I've to remember to spend less time worrying and more time analysing things calmly. Keyword - calm! On a side note, I feel physically off, sadly. There's this weird rash on my right foot and my left finger is bruised hard from a basketball, it's hard to bend. It's getting late now, time to refuel so goodnight people! (I think no one really reads this though haha)

Guess what! One semester is over. I still find it a little hard to comprehend that I'm in university actually; it always seemed like a faraway thing. But yes, growing to accept that and about becoming older. I think there has been a huge blank from my JC life to this point of time on my blog so here's what has happened...

After A-levels, with the long break, I have gone on a trip to Taiwan with 3 of my squadmates (yay). And the best part was getting to enter the studios of 百分百, it was totally a once in a life time experience, and not forgetting the awesome food and places in that wonderful country. I also got certified as a first aider, worked at a restaurant and florist and also attended CIBTC as an instructor. It may not seem the most packed schedule, but I think the break was good and well spent overall :)

Right, so after a long and tough ride getting my results, choosing my university, I finally got things settled. I too realised Pei Yin is going to be my coursemate and we decided to apply for hall together. Oh yes, I went for hall camp. Haha. It is interesting to hear stories about school from seniors actually before going for camp. For example, hearing about school work, STARS or hall life. The camp was pretty long and I got to meet many different people, especially those from Spartans. There were lots of activities (although some were surprising to me, different from other types of camps) but the tricky thing was that I had to shuttle between area camp and hall camp so that was tiring to some extent. I think it was an interesting opening to university for me though! Glad to see that most people were rather welcoming and friendly; just go in with an open mind.

Apart from hall, it was great to meet the nice professors who are rather enthusiastic about what they teach in Linguistics. The content is intriguing and interesting from my point of view so I think I should be enjoying my studies! Of course, not all is easy and there are times where the work gets tough and complicated, that is when I need to sit down and rationalise. It is pretty cool because not many people dabble in this area of study and it helps me view things from an alternate perspective (not the usual way). So far, the people in my course are good to get along with too, although I have yet to really work on any projects so I will see how that goes! I heard that Linguistics work are based mostly on projects, but more in the upper levels.

It is only when examinations are closing in that I discovered that each semester is really short, as compared to normal school terms in the past. Examinations were stressful, but partially because I took exams while being in CIBTC, booking in and out. It meant having to study in the wee hours of the day as I took my squad in the day. I fell asleep in my books at times > < It would have definitely been easier to just stay in hall and to plainly study but it really challenged my management of myself, having to prepare to teach and also remember my school content together. It definitely helps to understand lectures prior but in any case note to self: Avoid doing this again whenever possible!

Now the semester is over and holidays are happening, let me share what I have been up to :D I am going back to my unit for campcraft competition training (really hoping the girls can show THEIR want) and being involved in CCC for NPCC. Besides that, in hall, I am happy to have been training for hockey (in fact since before exams) and play in IHG. It was sad that we could not play on in the next few rounds but it was a fun experience meeting the people on the team! The game helped me in seeing things on a deeper level, and thinking more critically. I never saw some things in a certain way before; it opened up my mind (kind of) if I have to put it into words, in terms of how to move and react to situations. At a later point, I started training a little for basketball too. It was nice to see familiar people inside the girls' team :) At the moment, there will also be HOCC coming up but I need to figure that out. There should be a few more hall things coming up for various subcommittees so I shall keep my eyes peeled for that.

Okay, enough of this long post for now. Hope everyone has been doing well! With the ushering in of 2014, I'm wondering about my resolutions/goals and about turning 1 year older this year. Hmm how is that going to feel? At this point of time, I truly hope I will be able to strike a balance between work, ties and play in this coming months and do things with no regrets (: I shall try to post more!

This is scary! It's already almost one month into being a J2, to be honest I still feel like a J1. Maybe it will sink in when the juniors start sharing our class bench. I never ever blogged about 11S7H, this is one of the rare times when I actually find time to. My own personal time to myself. I can't help it but think about how this year will fly by quickly and that I'm going to have to be working hard a lot more. Even more, JC life is really so short as compared to time in NY.

From last year to this point of time, I've actually tried out so many things. Going for my first TSwift concert, doing publicity and lights/sounds for Dramafeste 11, becoming a CI of 80th CIBTC (then going for CII for the 81st, which I never thought I was up to it, because the actual course is 3 weeks long, not forgetting preparation work). It's not a surprise I'm in DALT, but I've also joined Sensorium Vale. There's also SL with little kids :) and PW as well. School's been a roller coaster ride for me.

There's this thing I really hope for though, for the best in this one team (yes because we're all made of one) that is probably working hard in this trying period of time. Believe in yourselves, believe the journey is going to be worthwhile. Make every single second count. Imagine every single person trying to 并肩作战 in a relay, you may dazzle everyone. It's really one thing when you see that endless potential but another thing how one is going to unleash it, it's so far yet so close.

You may not get what you love but you can always love what you get. It's just a few more laps away, if you're hoping for it to be over; it's just a blink of an eye, if you know you're going to miss it. It's really a matter of perspective (like how you view a half-filled glass as half full or half empty)!

I'm still learning how to be a better person and sometimes I really wonder, what am I made of? It's tough persevering in things I do (like studies) while staying true to myself. I don't wish to lose myself in this whirlwind going on. As much as I hate to say this, as I grow, it's expected of you to understand others, learn the 'way of life', communicate with people, in a complex manner. It's not wrong to think, I always think a lot more, but it's strange how people are over-thinking. It feels like we're using so much energy when we can translate all the energy into action.

I miss blogging actually, to keep all the bits of life close to me. It is especially the case when I get to spend quality time with people close to me in outings, random chat sessions and morning circles. <3 I think these are things that keep me going and motivated. Of course I know sometimes I should be moving ahead by pushing myself but I am glad about such little things.

Let's enjoy the Dragon lunar new year and I hope to find my direction in life soon, I wonder what I will do in the future. Now, looking forward to good food and rest! :)

Just in a blink of an eye, a new year has begun. New resolutions, new school, everything new.

IP week was slow-moving, but good enough for me to start adapting. I'm glad we were together as a class :) Hanging around sometimes because we didn't go for a certain lecture or just sharing our life stories (not that we're that old), it's great :) 406!

Oh yeah, the JC section (plus the high school section) is so huge, it's pretty scary! Plus meeting new people, choosing subject combis and ccas, wow. Hoping I make the right choices. Talking about CCAs, I want to join a sport CCA. I've been wanting to play floorball before I entered JC, but at open house, i heard about tchoukball and tried 2 sessions, and now I can't decide between the two. Both has its pros and cons hmm, be it the days, type of sport, or how much my heart wants to go for it :) I like the feeling of gliding across the floor during floorball and using techniques to play in the team. I too like the feeling of being in the air during tchoukball and doing the passes and shots. LOL. I never thought I could actually think in the air. I think I'm too lousy at it though, so that kinda sucks a little. I can't really decide.

Umm, yeah I have been troubled too. I just had this realisation about my life, which is, I always don't get what I hope for. Yeah, like who doesn't get that? But it has happened to me so many times that I wonder if I should just let things run their courses. But again, what happened to making things worthwhile and being in control of your life? It feels sad to just let things go by and see what happens. But when trying to make use of opportunities, I start to have expectations of myself and goals, when things don't go the way they should, the fall is really hard. There's always these two similar paths I face all the time, sometimes I don't know which way I should take each time. I get worn out after the process all the time. ):

Still, I won't let myself feel small and shall just work hard in everything I do. Jiayou jiayou, and to whoever is reading this :P (If you read this, you should leave a tag too, so I can visit your blog! :) )

P.S. Bright side - TS!! (:

the thankyou list is so long ): i don't think i can make it haha.

okay let's look on the bright side! went for world kindness day and there was this appreciation dinner kind of thing. i love the little figurine they gave us! it's so cute! haha but i guess they were under-catered, pretty funny. i was very impressed because the people there, they really have big hearts! went with yijia to walk around clarke quay afterwards and we turned back because we couldn't go to clubs lol, but we went to buy little snacks in the mall. ;)

now onto jobs! huiling has got a job. you start this week right? lol i should go buy ice cream from you. i think i want a job too. but don't know if it's possible..

i don't know if i should be happy or sad about that. let's just say the future is honestly unpredictable. i can't even do anything.

and onto songs! taylor swift songs :D so excited for next year. (not too much of the jc life, but something fun is coming up!)



you should also watch this awesome video shot in nanyang :D

i don't know what kind of 心情 i should be having to write this. but we've graduated! so proud of everyone. seems like we just were thinking what graduation would be like a few months back, but it's like over. less than 24 hours ago, we were sitting in the hall, excited and nervous going up stage lol.

we started the day yesterday in the audi, watching all our memories that are compiled into montages, ours was too long lol. thereafter i went with peiting to the library to invigilate 42's test, when we went back, the class was like half cleaned up! we were taking so many pictures, going about with group photos while collecting our report books.

our ft mr chan and co-ft mrs chew were speaking to us about things, like how we've been an awesome class and how mr chan will be leaving NY. i guess at then, it still didn't really hit us that we were leaving, we were all just feeling smiley :)

after that the five of us except emily went to yingyue's house after eating, and it was just very relaxing there haha. showered, watched movie, just hanged out. emily came after that. i think we should go yy's house to play often :D we changed and all, then it was time to go already, time went on pretty fast.

graduation ceremony was long haha. i think people around me like jinyi and melissa were nervous too, wanting to pee and stuff. lol then when i heard them saying that, i was afraid too! my hands were cold, probably because there was air con. ahh. yep we took our final class bow thereafter. time just moved super fast, don't you think?

there was still prize presentation and reception. in between i was still chatting with people in our seats haha. looked for my parents and took photos with them, ate with them before they had to go. so i stayed back and joined the classmates' circle haha. sorry i didn't really spend time the night with squadmates! ): i wrote notes for yall but didn't have the chance to pass to yall leh ):

moved around with yingyue looking for food haha, and she was stunned by the purple pau magic somehow, funny incident! xD it was really nice sitting under the night sky, under the stars and just chatting with my classmates, hearing the wonderful laughter and jokes. i know i will miss this special atmosphere.

nicole was with her parents and squadmates i think. i didn't know why but i think yingyue and i were feeling kinda sad when emily was saying bye to all of us. haha but then she came back again! lol then we had to say goodbye again. aiyo once was enough already lol. i went home after that with huiling's car :D yingyue left as we walked out of the quadrangle too.

felt tired when i reached home but nevertheless i still went online hehe. as i looked at the profiles and photos, lots of memories came back. there were also many mixed feelings.

to my lovely 202 classmates, i really enjoyed my time with yall! i know i wrote a long blog entry when i was about to enter sec 3, this is why this isn't so long now :) but the times we spent were awesome. just recently in the bbq dinner we had, we were already sharing all the memories we had lol. i'm amazed at everybody's brainpower hehe. i know i will miss yall also, so when we enter jc, we are still going to go for class outings okay! don't forget to say hi! i will say hi but i'm easily stoning and distracted lol.

to my beloved 406 classmates, especially emily, nicole, huiling and yingyue :) i remember the time we all first met, how apprehensive i was, to doing projects together, having lunches/breaks together, going to one another's houses, even beginning to go out for fun. you guys are so loveable, adorable and cute. haha yes i said that. yall are always doing funny things and those things always crack me up and make me giggle. or sometimes, laugh till my jaws feel like dropping or my stomach hurts so much.

i know and i remember, whenever i'm feeling down or anything, you guys will always and never fail to cheer me up. with all your antics :) emily singing like nobody's business, yingyue wriggling around and her wise words, nicole's baby talk and angry face and huiling's cat meows and classic lines. (wow got tears in my eyes as i write this. i wanna give yall a hug now!)

yall can be really smart and witty yet yall can be like little kids at times haha. i shall quote a recent example. when there was a milo truck in school, we were like trying to look for it (more of like emily and yingyue), then nicole and i were behind (huiling was sick), then suddenly the two of them started running o: and i was like oh no are we gonna run. haha then i saw the green too and i ended up running too xD nicole was the only calm one. i was so amused by your faces of satisfaction as yall drank the small little cup of milo. you guys are very unique in your own ways, stay the way you are :) haha yingyue you can choose if you wanna wriggle or not!

of course, many many classmates i wanna thank and hug too. i know between each of you and me, i'm sure there will be a little story or episode in the past 2 years and i'm really glad about that :) you've coloured my lives a lot! we've worked on so many things together, OBS, GRACES camp, iBounce and more. special thanks to emily (haha again!), huishan, jinyi for being my tablemates in maths class. (and the other 406ers in maths class like justina, grace and crystal) it has been super enjoyable being with yall, random things that always happen xD i know we always stop for the toilet on our way to the library (i go the most often lol), discussions about the maths during class, ahh i rmb, the competition in class where we did tic tac toe with maths and the cute big flower pens we were so innocently happy about!

i'm super grateful to ms yeo, she's made an impact on me, thank you so much ms yeo! i'm gonna work hard! of course, i wanna thank all my subject teachers, especially mr chan, mrs chew, ms chen and ms sebastian.

the people i talk to almost every morning - nat and mel and jinyi (sometimes xD), it's been 2 years already! standing in a line every day, oddly, was how we got closer to one another. i think it's a pretty weird way how we got to know one another but lol! assembly times we would be talking about things that are happening and how we aren't happy about stuff lol. and exam times we would be spilling and exchanging and clarifying all our facts before we enter the classroom. haha classic. i'll miss yall! i won't see your faces when i turn around the next time. ):

to my dearest squadmates, i love you all :D we've met nearly since day 1. we've been through all the hardships and happiness, the ups and downs of our np lives haha. there's this indescribable bond between us. i know i will have a tendency to run towards yall when i see you guys, lol that's why sometimes i take the not-quadrangle way to class so i will catch up on my sleep or work. 4 years of squadmateship, it's priceless! even though sometimes we may not agree on things, but we will always end up doing a great job.

we make a great team, i shall call it the 41 team, the one and only batch 41 :) it's really funny how we always end up with squad jokes or squad slangs lol. rabbit island? bobo? i still recall the good/sad times we've went through.

i'm only listing some! first parade of sec 1 (i think there was an article on that haha), CT'08 (how we really bonded as a team but we sort of came crashing down ): ), NPAP'09 (all the laughable things we did and heard about, changing desperately fast in the acsb toilet, i think we were late once?), becoming 42's NCOs (at first we all didn't know what to expect but it really was a great experience, i've learnt a lot from sqdms and cadets. 42, stay strong and proud like a coconut tree! okay what am i saying. but just jiayou!), CT'10 (the first time i became captain, and it's to my team (team 2) also. working together was unforgettable i tell you.) I just want to say I appreciate every one of you squids okay! You might think I might not love you as much hehe but I do! :)

right now, i think i'm beginning to miss my 406 classmates and squadmates a lot. all the people i've known too. i might ATTEMPT to write a thankyou list lol, but i hope if i write it yall won't get mad because i'm careless and left out names accidentally or never write a lot :P

i'm so lucky all these things happened, be it happy or unhappy events, they happened. in my 4 years in nanyang, i've met so many amazing and wonderful friends, teachers, people and squadmates. i wouldn't know what i would have done, or even, what i would have become if i hadn't met you all. i just wanna say THANK YOU. You guys have made me a better person, stronger and tougher than before and I really hope I have done the same for you, even a teeny weeny bit will do!! :) and that you will remember me! :)

p.s. trust me, the fact that we've graduated hasn't hit me hard yet. but it's beginning to hit me more and more by the second and this feeling doesn't feel so good ):

you've might have noticed i would usually post a song with my entry, but there's no song that really suits this mood now~

yesterday was just a crazy but awesome day :D

the 2 days before that was mad too! those 2 days, attended the dramafest in school and the plays were really cool. the effects and plot. lol and the screamings made me jump. (not literally, but well my heart did jump.) alicia joined me on both days! my parents came on the first, squids like nicole and peiting came on the second day. also congrats to my sis! her class play got into the encore night. on the first night, all the judges' pick of the night were my choices in the audience voting! and on the second, two of the judges' pick were my choices haha! but my dinner for those nights weren't too good. instant noodles on the 1st night (that was my 3rd day eating instant noodles), 1 bun on the 2nd night.

yesterday wow. world kindness day briefing + shannon's birthday party + 202 class bbq! it was really cool, pretty excited for world kindness day. it will be on november 13, we'll be giving out flowers to the public. of course, we will try to share with them what the day is all about and get them to pass the flower on to someone they wanna thank so i hope it will be a success! xD went with caoji and yeehui to MICA, the room was really cool. i made flower balloons :) oh yeah i love the blue of the shirt they gave!

lunch then went off to shannon's party. met yingyue lol and took a bus to shannon's house, saw ny people like mun ning and justina. gave shannon her present and we played games. what kind of games, they were games like musical chairs and whacko. haha gosh, i couldn't stop smiling because it was really amusing how we went about introducing ourselves and names before we started playing. we sort of went back to childhood times in primary school. i remember how in primary school, i used to attend birthday parties with all such games lol. :D it was weird at first but it was great <3. so apologetic to shannon because i came late and left early!

went to class bbq after meeting haiyun at mrt, bought some chips. it's so odd because sihui, haiyun and I kept walking to and fro between the pit and her house and the guard house. but i liked hanging out with 202 classmates! huge thanks to the special few who got the fire started. :D it was so nostalgic when everyone was sharing their own bit of memory in the sec 1 and 2 days. it's really heartwarming! i realised we kept running to the buffet place to steal drinks haha. it seems very short, because we had to go at 9+. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the food and company, i think we need more gatherings. ;)

Reached home late and ended up super tired.

Two thoughts I had today. :) Shared them with zihan. It's kinda cool when you look around in class, and you see your classmates hard at work (sometimes :P) and you wonder which next important person they will be in life. I always read biographies of other people, especially when I was in primary school and it's like sometimes i see similarities between what i read and what i see. read - reading about the childhood of the important president/politician and see - seeing your classmates doing an experiment and just scribbling down stuff. it wouldn't be a surprise to have classmates who might become future ministers or something haha. i just wonder what i would be.

you know how you can just feel normal, towards life. i have a 'normal' line in this imaginary graph, whereby everything is actually going fine and smooth. that's the time when you don't feel sad or happy. but i think i have been feeling way way way down for a long time, at the 'unhappy' line, now when i'm just a little little bit closer to normal, i actually feel good now already lol. it's so strange and weird. i'm nowhere near my 'normal' line yet i feel as if i'm above that line and am at the 'happy' line or something. you probably wouldn't understand this and think i'm strange. no worries, you don't need to know haha!

well one thing you can do is to listen to the song ;)

This post is just for me to say that I do keep blog entries, well they just aren't posted here, the long overdue CT reflections :) And everything else :D

Haha and somehow my sis and I were on the topic of blogs, and I was like saying no one will read my blog so I don't have to update. Then she said something along the line of no lor, i was the last tagger. so here i am, updating it to keep this blog alive ;)

Just about an hour back, it was 13th August, the day of NY funfair. iBounce was AWESOME. We had the coolest bouncing castle, slide and rodeo ride, lots of customers and it was really great spending quality time with everyone in 406.

Typing in a blog is a strange, a little unfamiliar kind of feeling for me. Other than that, it's the first time in no 1 uniform with squids *big grin*! Plus being able to see the YOG torch itself makes me feel really happy and proud. Enduring the parade and putting in effort for the training was worth it. I probably won't get the chance to march in a parade like this ever again, poof.

All right back to class stall :D Sad I didn't win an ipad, but congrats to all who have won! It's so fun how you get to talk about anything to your classmates, I never did think we would talk like we did today (: And going out to buy items with classmates I never really hung out with, but wow, I liked it so much! :D

Writing my appreciation for squadmates, unit, all the other UGs and of course 406 <3! :) Everyone xin1 ku3 le4, thank you so much! I will remember every little detail between squadmates and my beloved class. You guys rock! YAY!

We got through prelims! :D and now we are moving onto Finals.

The afternoon before we received the news, I was like thinking that everything around was horrible. Many factors, but if the news that we got into finals came now, it would outweight or mask everything else. And goodness, we did receive the news in the late afternoon that we got in!!

When I first heard the news, it felt like a dream, took quite long for the news to sink in. Yay. Great job NYCT2.

Finals is so near and we need to put in lots of effort to get where we want to be. Not easy I guess. And now my health is bad, bad sore throat and flu.

It's probably due to many factors, wearing a wet shirt, sleeping late everyday, hot weather, lack of water, seeing ortho, and teachers. But I can't help but wish that Mrs Chew had not come to school when she was sick and couldn't even speak, having to use the whiteboard to communicate. She was saying about responsibility and she didn't exactly do it D: Finals is very important to me and all little factors must be eliminated. I need training and good health during the finals itself!

Wish me luck, and take care, don't fall sick.
Peter Szeto Yee !!

Two days I turned 16. It was a great one, celebrated my birthday at home in advance. I brought a remaining slice to school to eat, thinking nothing much would happen. Then squadmates sang happy birthday to me, gave many presents - the awesome Yan Ni's notebook with a spastic picture of xiao zhu and xiao gui, Nicole's chocolate oreo cake (my 2nd cake), Aircon's ahem disposable pencil case, Yee Hui's figurines and CDs and sooo many lovely messages.

But why is it that two days later things are so different? I've always known that for CT you need to make sacrifices, first swimming, guitar, studies, NYAA? I must admit, I have been overly obssessed or into CT during the holidays, leading to my downfall. The passion is still lingering but I do regret. My NYAA is severely affected.

Now, currently what's happening is just dampening whatever I have left of myself. I spend one hour convincing people about CT everyday, and it's very tiring, mentally and physically after a long day at school (6 rounds and pushups and training, with a 2man pitch). It's very exhausting. I have to admit, I'm juggling my studies, CCA, competition and human relationship in a bad manner. It's bad enough. How do you strike a balance being rooted to your stand and taking in what people say? I may seem to be unreasonable or irritating, but I don't like forcing people to do things also. But I have to. It does not only affect us, whatever decisions we make, but others too. We need to be responsible for our actions.

Spending so much time is very taxing for me, but I hope it makes one feel better, or not as lousy as when I force it upon you. I do consider your viewpoints, but when you weigh things out, it may not be priority. Long term wise, things may happen.

Sometimes when I take your words fully, and I do it the way, I was unable to convince myself what I was doing. We don't have much time left, and the good gets rusty, how can we afford to play with time like that?

I can't afford regrets, I need to answer to myself. One can afford it when the time comes nearer when all are experienced.

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The last day of National Mourning has just passed. It has been an emotional week. Unexpectedly but surely, Singaporeans showed their love and appreciation for Mr Lee Kuan Yew - a deserving and inspiring visionary, founding father and family man strongly. :'(

I put up many posts about Mr Lee lately. I sat by the television many a time to catch old footage and tribute videos. I went to the Parliament House. I went to the community tribute site. I saw how people around were touched in their lives by Mr Lee by one way or another, despite their immense grief. I experienced a surge of emotions at some point in time, like others.

It's already February, and I have just turned twenty-one. Coincidentally, two hundred posts! This must be a mini celebratory moment. I get a feeling of surrealism and nostalgia, possibly over the days I have lived through for the past twenty years. The idea of being an adult hasn't really sunk in yet. Are there more things I can do, now that I'm twenty-one? Hmm.

Being twenty-one feels different in name, but not that much different in feeling. I just hope that people around me will stay healthy and happy. For myself, I hope that I can continue to stay close with people around me, and I can get to do what I love - kind of to just live in the moment more. Well, I think I have to do a lot better in school because my results have not been that satisfactory ._.

The previous few days have been a series of ups and downs actually. Over the weekend, I lost my laptop, and also went through a full circle to retrieve it. And I blamed myself sooo much. It was really a long story. I had to trace and contact people, and get into many different modes. I think I had my lucky star shining on me. The people who helped were very nice and friendly.

Also, my birthday was "celebrated" again by a bunch of people. I think I should find a cave to hide within. REALLY. I'm not facing myself again for now. Well, after the whole time, there was a lot of eating involved and bringing my Aussie exchange friend to places. Places I actually haven't been to before, so technically I was following and exploring too. Yes to local good food and pastry :) *glutton me*

On another note, I attended one of my close friends Eileen's birthday party planned by her boyfriend, that she did not know about until she arrived at the place. You can't help but go aww :)  Kar Yee and I had gone to buy the presents, which were picked carefully. Because the buyers were two of us, there were a lot of back and forth considerations - "this would look good" or "that is too shiny" haha. It was slightly awkward so we waited for more people because we barely knew her other friends. It was nice to see a few fellow HC and NY friends. Zi Han was there too yay, so I could catch up with her.

It's a pity not many people I know are blogging (or maybe they have secret blogs), I used to enjoy visiting blogs of people I am closer to. I find that words are great to convey inner thoughts and to know someone better. Actually, listening to songs helps me feel more at peace. Or it is a way to express myself when I hum along. I'm not sure whether people actually listen to songs based on my recommendation (maybe I know of only one or two people who will actually do that)

 
I never see the forest for the trees, I could really use your melody

 
Now I'm fourfiveseconds from wildin' 
And we got three more days 'til Friday 
I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday, mornin'

What have I done lately? Not much actually, just reading articles and books online. Mockingjay in text is really powerful in my opinion, but I have yet to watch the actual movie yet. All the what-ifs that run through my head as a result of reading it. How nice it would be to get the whole series in paperback version.  I think Katniss manages to stay true to herself despite all the chaos, and her courage despite all those adversities inspires me. And I read Ellen Degeneres' Seriously...I'm Kidding (note the punctuations, she actually manages to keep it consistent throughout her books); it's thought-provoking about life but funny and simple at the same time. You will probably get the same kind of vibe from the book, if you watch her shows. Some of her words echo my thoughts to an extent, surprisingly.

I don't know if you agree or not, but I think reading helps you to find out about yourself (says a wise me, at least it applies for me in this phase of my life).

And you may ask, what have I found out myself? Well...that is a tough question. I would not say I have uncovered everything about myself, but I started to reflect on my own views.

I might have discovered that I am not the person most people think I am. How can I put this into words as neutrally? For example, people should not judge a book by its cover (so if you are thinking about something you believe about me, dig deeper). And behind every scar there is a story behind it. Perhaps, there is a fine line between pessimism and optimism. Maybe I'm stepping away from something because there was a history behind it, or I'd rather not watching history happen to me again. Maybe I'm just more sensitive but every little action makes or breaks things to me; but I trust my good old sense usually (it has been reliable in my life). Maybe it's human nature to be there first hand when something is 'happening' and also human nature to run away when there is something to be done. By that same token, I do my best to avoid such pitfalls and take calculated risks in my daily life, just like how I would view Courage and Empathy, for empty talks make me feel disappointed. But then again, is it because I choose not to inflict such pain on others that I have experienced, that they can never understand what I feel? Then it happens to me from the others again? What should I do? Let people feel it?

Some people would probably brush these things off as old me overthinking, but why can't it be a case of you not thinking enough? I mean, I'm just trying to offer another perspective. Of course I understand people prefer to spend their lives doing other things compared to thinking, which is totally fine with me. But what happens if your actions and words cut someone else? (Figuratively.) I choose to believe that everyone has a decision to their words and actions, so all the things about being not conscious do not sound that convincing to me. I have bore the brunt of that, if you ever had realised. If you did realise, does that mean you are consciously choosing to act a certain way? Both are negative in my view, but the latter is worse. Then I should try to break away from this cycle. Do I know what brings out the best and worst in me? Yes, I do. And this point on the map is where I should not be, status quo, unless something changes.

Ever since I posted somewhere about what a certain four letter means, I have been wondering whether that word has meant the same thing for all of us. Maybe it meant the same thing to you, just at a different point, a point in the past, and now it does not mean anything else. Did everything ever mean anything? If that's the case in which it does not mean anything, why do we want to drag other people into this, to take your place, again? I'm confused, or maybe it is just me. I don't like the idea of giving someone something I dislike, like say re-gifting a Christmas present for example. Why? Can someone explain this patiently? (I don't think anyone is patient enough, just getting with your life well could be good enough, oh well the human nature.)

All these things keep running through my head, almost all the time that it makes me lost. But I don't think anyone understands. If only I could view it simply - if you like something you do it and vice versa. Sigh D:

I usually listen to songs to get about such things, so I will post up some songs for a cold rainy day. I recently caught a glimpse of S Club 7 on youtube and found out all about them in the early 2000s, heard their songs and they are really good! I remember my seniors choreographed an item for us in Primary 2 using the song Reach. And they have got other songs such as Bring It All Back (which Jolin did), Never Had a Dream Come True, Don't Stop Movin', S Club Party etc

I sound so busy, with so many things on my schedule. Now there are even assignments coming up, released at this point of time and due soon. I totally understand worrying doesn't solve much, what if I can't even produce something for submission? My grades are off in a way for other work.

Really hoping for good grades in order to try certain things; one can always hope right? And there are reasons for that.

I question many things, what does it take to work? Differences and doubts surround. Don't think it is going to be sensed, maybe I could front it this way (ha.ha.)

Have you ever gotten the feeling of finding a small amount of free time, out of your hectic schedule, and getting slightly happy about it?

I actually found a pocket of free time to blog in a place not in my home! This is exciting, but it feels as if I have to finish this up really soon :(

Had to see a new Chinese doctor which my parents see; though it is unfortunate that I have lessons and stuff almost every day that my dad has to pick me up from morning class then send me back to school again. Got a huge amount of herbs-smelling pills and mixtures. Here's hoping that I will be less prone to falling ill.

Year 2 of university life is a little crazy because everything just happens to be crammed together. I'm liking what I study in Linguistics, but sometimes it gets a little stressful (and I think my face says it all unfortunately). I'm really hoping I will have the time in the future to try new things, like a new internship or a job to know what I want to do in the future! Everyone seems to have a direction in life haha.

Think I have to go soon...

Can't believe tomorrow is the anniversary...

I really don't care (hardly). There have been so many things causing me to feel really upset.

You do unto people how you want to be treated, but that is hardly the case. I would not generalise for all cases. Sometimes people only "remember" you when you are needed, and choose not to show concern if it is not needed. Or if you are not so important, then your worries will be placed behind　without hesitation. If that is the case, why am I expected to connect emotionally? Since knowing that putting in your emotions 100% will not bear anything, I would rather not try again in that regard. Having to talk about it defeats the point, if you get the idea, so let us not go there.

Sneaky things have been happening too, I really dislike how people assume so many things and use my name for something that I did not agree to. If you wish to do something, why can't it be done in an open manner? Are you afraid to be judged? Then why do it in the first place?

Being ill these few days after 11 consecutive days of camp have made me realised many things. You can tell who is genuinely concerned. Even the doctor and my parents said to rest a lot. It is the first time seeing little bits of blood in my phlegm but I really hope it is a one-off thing. I doubt anyone knew or saw the worry, it is definitely not normal, no matter how I see it. And if there is any further fever, it could be dengue and all (although I doubt that is the case). Honestly speaking, I have just been feeling super light-headed and uncomfortable and I wonder when it will stop. If I could rewind the clock, maybe I should have been more aware.


P.S. Thankful to have seen Taylor live in RED on 9th June!

I just feel that I needed some sort of way to record my feelings. Although one of my resolutions (kind of) is to look at the positive side of things and be more happy, sometimes I get this sad tingly feeling... For example, my dad told us to keep a certain day free as the whole extended family will be going to the usual buffet place for Chinese New Year lunch, like last year. The words "last year" triggered a emotion high for me unknowingly, because my brain automatically clicked back to last CNY lunch and I remembered my grandma being there, not just last year but also past buffets. Then it dawned upon me that the only difference this year is that she will not be there. All the memories just start flooding back, from the point where I went home one fine Friday to realise the horrible news and see her lying there, seeing the undertakers bring her out, all the way to helping to settle the funeral matters :( It went from unbelievable shock to mind blank to sadness to having to be strong. (because everyone was equally upset and it was the last little thing I could do)

It feels so surreal, just thinking about "last year" or every time I enter her room (now occupied with some of my dad's things). Sometimes I worry if I will end up forgetting her or having my memory fade out. I rarely cry but I remember how I cried so badly. So many things happened last year. I know life goes on (probably what some people would say) but I just get affected whenever I think back with any random triggers, going from high to low.

Some stuff also happened today, of course I was not as shaken as the last incident. I just hope the words were taken in from a certain first-hand perspective and let's hope for the best. Sometimes I just wish I could just drop some things and go back to the simple world (like training juniors more which is probably something my officers would happily welcome).
 

Time to worry, because school is starting soon. It's semester 2 wow, there are indeed a lot of things coming up. I'm hoping to put in more time on my studies though, because I know I can do better so I shall have to get my priorities right!

At this point of time, I am wondering if I should be working. It started when my previous employer at the florist shop texted me to ask if I can return for the Valentine's Day period since I worked last year. Can I call it a money crunch? I mean I know that I will not have problems getting by the semesters because my parents will pay my expenses, but it's not a nice feeling knowing that there are so many expenses... And furthermore, if I have a job I can pay for myself too. I'm pondering and balancing my options - perhaps taking a job, or selling old items or clothes. No doubt, I can foresee my family/friends asking me to focus on my studies and making full use of my time in university while it lasts.

So one thing is about earning money. The other thing is wanting to venture into writing or internship opportunities! It would be a nice challenge for myself, to pen down ideas. I saw this email about signing up for school's paper Nanyang Chronicle, it sounds like a way to start small but oh tian, I am getting myself in many things already. I might consider that in another semester > <

Ended my campcraft comp meeting late on Friday (and saw squadmates omg, would have loved to hang with them) so I went back to hall close to midnight. Speaking of hall, I think I am surviving okay in hall. Though there's so many things going on, the people are mostly friendly. But haha, I have this thing where I am a little afraid/hesitant to talk to seniors (maybe because from my UG background). And...most people around me are seniors. LOL, oh well.

There's this list of to-dos I need to settle as well! Random minutes, jotting on my organiser, send emails. Basketball. Hockey? (but I doubt we will train since IHG will not be anytime near) Hope everyone has fun and does well in all their upcoming games. I also want to spend some time on Korean and dance too.

*breathes* It helps to get things sorted out but I've to remember to spend less time worrying and more time analysing things calmly. Keyword - calm! On a side note, I feel physically off, sadly. There's this weird rash on my right foot and my left finger is bruised hard from a basketball, it's hard to bend. It's getting late now, time to refuel so goodnight people! (I think no one really reads this though haha)

Guess what! One semester is over. I still find it a little hard to comprehend that I'm in university actually; it always seemed like a faraway thing. But yes, growing to accept that and about becoming older. I think there has been a huge blank from my JC life to this point of time on my blog so here's what has happened...

After A-levels, with the long break, I have gone on a trip to Taiwan with 3 of my squadmates (yay). And the best part was getting to enter the studios of 百分百, it was totally a once in a life time experience, and not forgetting the awesome food and places in that wonderful country. I also got certified as a first aider, worked at a restaurant and florist and also attended CIBTC as an instructor. It may not seem the most packed schedule, but I think the break was good and well spent overall :)

Right, so after a long and tough ride getting my results, choosing my university, I finally got things settled. I too realised Pei Yin is going to be my coursemate and we decided to apply for hall together. Oh yes, I went for hall camp. Haha. It is interesting to hear stories about school from seniors actually before going for camp. For example, hearing about school work, STARS or hall life. The camp was pretty long and I got to meet many different people, especially those from Spartans. There were lots of activities (although some were surprising to me, different from other types of camps) but the tricky thing was that I had to shuttle between area camp and hall camp so that was tiring to some extent. I think it was an interesting opening to university for me though! Glad to see that most people were rather welcoming and friendly; just go in with an open mind.

Apart from hall, it was great to meet the nice professors who are rather enthusiastic about what they teach in Linguistics. The content is intriguing and interesting from my point of view so I think I should be enjoying my studies! Of course, not all is easy and there are times where the work gets tough and complicated, that is when I need to sit down and rationalise. It is pretty cool because not many people dabble in this area of study and it helps me view things from an alternate perspective (not the usual way). So far, the people in my course are good to get along with too, although I have yet to really work on any projects so I will see how that goes! I heard that Linguistics work are based mostly on projects, but more in the upper levels.

It is only when examinations are closing in that I discovered that each semester is really short, as compared to normal school terms in the past. Examinations were stressful, but partially because I took exams while being in CIBTC, booking in and out. It meant having to study in the wee hours of the day as I took my squad in the day. I fell asleep in my books at times > < It would have definitely been easier to just stay in hall and to plainly study but it really challenged my management of myself, having to prepare to teach and also remember my school content together. It definitely helps to understand lectures prior but in any case note to self: Avoid doing this again whenever possible!

Now the semester is over and holidays are happening, let me share what I have been up to :D I am going back to my unit for campcraft competition training (really hoping the girls can show THEIR want) and being involved in CCC for NPCC. Besides that, in hall, I am happy to have been training for hockey (in fact since before exams) and play in IHG. It was sad that we could not play on in the next few rounds but it was a fun experience meeting the people on the team! The game helped me in seeing things on a deeper level, and thinking more critically. I never saw some things in a certain way before; it opened up my mind (kind of) if I have to put it into words, in terms of how to move and react to situations. At a later point, I started training a little for basketball too. It was nice to see familiar people inside the girls' team :) At the moment, there will also be HOCC coming up but I need to figure that out. There should be a few more hall things coming up for various subcommittees so I shall keep my eyes peeled for that.

Okay, enough of this long post for now. Hope everyone has been doing well! With the ushering in of 2014, I'm wondering about my resolutions/goals and about turning 1 year older this year. Hmm how is that going to feel? At this point of time, I truly hope I will be able to strike a balance between work, ties and play in this coming months and do things with no regrets (: I shall try to post more!

This is scary! It's already almost one month into being a J2, to be honest I still feel like a J1. Maybe it will sink in when the juniors start sharing our class bench. I never ever blogged about 11S7H, this is one of the rare times when I actually find time to. My own personal time to myself. I can't help it but think about how this year will fly by quickly and that I'm going to have to be working hard a lot more. Even more, JC life is really so short as compared to time in NY.

From last year to this point of time, I've actually tried out so many things. Going for my first TSwift concert, doing publicity and lights/sounds for Dramafeste 11, becoming a CI of 80th CIBTC (then going for CII for the 81st, which I never thought I was up to it, because the actual course is 3 weeks long, not forgetting preparation work). It's not a surprise I'm in DALT, but I've also joined Sensorium Vale. There's also SL with little kids :) and PW as well. School's been a roller coaster ride for me.

There's this thing I really hope for though, for the best in this one team (yes because we're all made of one) that is probably working hard in this trying period of time. Believe in yourselves, believe the journey is going to be worthwhile. Make every single second count. Imagine every single person trying to 并肩作战 in a relay, you may dazzle everyone. It's really one thing when you see that endless potential but another thing how one is going to unleash it, it's so far yet so close.

You may not get what you love but you can always love what you get. It's just a few more laps away, if you're hoping for it to be over; it's just a blink of an eye, if you know you're going to miss it. It's really a matter of perspective (like how you view a half-filled glass as half full or half empty)!

I'm still learning how to be a better person and sometimes I really wonder, what am I made of? It's tough persevering in things I do (like studies) while staying true to myself. I don't wish to lose myself in this whirlwind going on. As much as I hate to say this, as I grow, it's expected of you to understand others, learn the 'way of life', communicate with people, in a complex manner. It's not wrong to think, I always think a lot more, but it's strange how people are over-thinking. It feels like we're using so much energy when we can translate all the energy into action.

I miss blogging actually, to keep all the bits of life close to me. It is especially the case when I get to spend quality time with people close to me in outings, random chat sessions and morning circles. <3 I think these are things that keep me going and motivated. Of course I know sometimes I should be moving ahead by pushing myself but I am glad about such little things.

Let's enjoy the Dragon lunar new year and I hope to find my direction in life soon, I wonder what I will do in the future. Now, looking forward to good food and rest! :)

Just in a blink of an eye, a new year has begun. New resolutions, new school, everything new.

IP week was slow-moving, but good enough for me to start adapting. I'm glad we were together as a class :) Hanging around sometimes because we didn't go for a certain lecture or just sharing our life stories (not that we're that old), it's great :) 406!

Oh yeah, the JC section (plus the high school section) is so huge, it's pretty scary! Plus meeting new people, choosing subject combis and ccas, wow. Hoping I make the right choices. Talking about CCAs, I want to join a sport CCA. I've been wanting to play floorball before I entered JC, but at open house, i heard about tchoukball and tried 2 sessions, and now I can't decide between the two. Both has its pros and cons hmm, be it the days, type of sport, or how much my heart wants to go for it :) I like the feeling of gliding across the floor during floorball and using techniques to play in the team. I too like the feeling of being in the air during tchoukball and doing the passes and shots. LOL. I never thought I could actually think in the air. I think I'm too lousy at it though, so that kinda sucks a little. I can't really decide.

Umm, yeah I have been troubled too. I just had this realisation about my life, which is, I always don't get what I hope for. Yeah, like who doesn't get that? But it has happened to me so many times that I wonder if I should just let things run their courses. But again, what happened to making things worthwhile and being in control of your life? It feels sad to just let things go by and see what happens. But when trying to make use of opportunities, I start to have expectations of myself and goals, when things don't go the way they should, the fall is really hard. There's always these two similar paths I face all the time, sometimes I don't know which way I should take each time. I get worn out after the process all the time. ):

Still, I won't let myself feel small and shall just work hard in everything I do. Jiayou jiayou, and to whoever is reading this :P (If you read this, you should leave a tag too, so I can visit your blog! :) )

P.S. Bright side - TS!! (:

the thankyou list is so long ): i don't think i can make it haha.

okay let's look on the bright side! went for world kindness day and there was this appreciation dinner kind of thing. i love the little figurine they gave us! it's so cute! haha but i guess they were under-catered, pretty funny. i was very impressed because the people there, they really have big hearts! went with yijia to walk around clarke quay afterwards and we turned back because we couldn't go to clubs lol, but we went to buy little snacks in the mall. ;)

now onto jobs! huiling has got a job. you start this week right? lol i should go buy ice cream from you. i think i want a job too. but don't know if it's possible..

i don't know if i should be happy or sad about that. let's just say the future is honestly unpredictable. i can't even do anything.

and onto songs! taylor swift songs :D so excited for next year. (not too much of the jc life, but something fun is coming up!)



you should also watch this awesome video shot in nanyang :D

i don't know what kind of 心情 i should be having to write this. but we've graduated! so proud of everyone. seems like we just were thinking what graduation would be like a few months back, but it's like over. less than 24 hours ago, we were sitting in the hall, excited and nervous going up stage lol.

we started the day yesterday in the audi, watching all our memories that are compiled into montages, ours was too long lol. thereafter i went with peiting to the library to invigilate 42's test, when we went back, the class was like half cleaned up! we were taking so many pictures, going about with group photos while collecting our report books.

our ft mr chan and co-ft mrs chew were speaking to us about things, like how we've been an awesome class and how mr chan will be leaving NY. i guess at then, it still didn't really hit us that we were leaving, we were all just feeling smiley :)

after that the five of us except emily went to yingyue's house after eating, and it was just very relaxing there haha. showered, watched movie, just hanged out. emily came after that. i think we should go yy's house to play often :D we changed and all, then it was time to go already, time went on pretty fast.

graduation ceremony was long haha. i think people around me like jinyi and melissa were nervous too, wanting to pee and stuff. lol then when i heard them saying that, i was afraid too! my hands were cold, probably because there was air con. ahh. yep we took our final class bow thereafter. time just moved super fast, don't you think?

there was still prize presentation and reception. in between i was still chatting with people in our seats haha. looked for my parents and took photos with them, ate with them before they had to go. so i stayed back and joined the classmates' circle haha. sorry i didn't really spend time the night with squadmates! ): i wrote notes for yall but didn't have the chance to pass to yall leh ):

moved around with yingyue looking for food haha, and she was stunned by the purple pau magic somehow, funny incident! xD it was really nice sitting under the night sky, under the stars and just chatting with my classmates, hearing the wonderful laughter and jokes. i know i will miss this special atmosphere.

nicole was with her parents and squadmates i think. i didn't know why but i think yingyue and i were feeling kinda sad when emily was saying bye to all of us. haha but then she came back again! lol then we had to say goodbye again. aiyo once was enough already lol. i went home after that with huiling's car :D yingyue left as we walked out of the quadrangle too.

felt tired when i reached home but nevertheless i still went online hehe. as i looked at the profiles and photos, lots of memories came back. there were also many mixed feelings.

to my lovely 202 classmates, i really enjoyed my time with yall! i know i wrote a long blog entry when i was about to enter sec 3, this is why this isn't so long now :) but the times we spent were awesome. just recently in the bbq dinner we had, we were already sharing all the memories we had lol. i'm amazed at everybody's brainpower hehe. i know i will miss yall also, so when we enter jc, we are still going to go for class outings okay! don't forget to say hi! i will say hi but i'm easily stoning and distracted lol.

to my beloved 406 classmates, especially emily, nicole, huiling and yingyue :) i remember the time we all first met, how apprehensive i was, to doing projects together, having lunches/breaks together, going to one another's houses, even beginning to go out for fun. you guys are so loveable, adorable and cute. haha yes i said that. yall are always doing funny things and those things always crack me up and make me giggle. or sometimes, laugh till my jaws feel like dropping or my stomach hurts so much.

i know and i remember, whenever i'm feeling down or anything, you guys will always and never fail to cheer me up. with all your antics :) emily singing like nobody's business, yingyue wriggling around and her wise words, nicole's baby talk and angry face and huiling's cat meows and classic lines. (wow got tears in my eyes as i write this. i wanna give yall a hug now!)

yall can be really smart and witty yet yall can be like little kids at times haha. i shall quote a recent example. when there was a milo truck in school, we were like trying to look for it (more of like emily and yingyue), then nicole and i were behind (huiling was sick), then suddenly the two of them started running o: and i was like oh no are we gonna run. haha then i saw the green too and i ended up running too xD nicole was the only calm one. i was so amused by your faces of satisfaction as yall drank the small little cup of milo. you guys are very unique in your own ways, stay the way you are :) haha yingyue you can choose if you wanna wriggle or not!

of course, many many classmates i wanna thank and hug too. i know between each of you and me, i'm sure there will be a little story or episode in the past 2 years and i'm really glad about that :) you've coloured my lives a lot! we've worked on so many things together, OBS, GRACES camp, iBounce and more. special thanks to emily (haha again!), huishan, jinyi for being my tablemates in maths class. (and the other 406ers in maths class like justina, grace and crystal) it has been super enjoyable being with yall, random things that always happen xD i know we always stop for the toilet on our way to the library (i go the most often lol), discussions about the maths during class, ahh i rmb, the competition in class where we did tic tac toe with maths and the cute big flower pens we were so innocently happy about!

i'm super grateful to ms yeo, she's made an impact on me, thank you so much ms yeo! i'm gonna work hard! of course, i wanna thank all my subject teachers, especially mr chan, mrs chew, ms chen and ms sebastian.

the people i talk to almost every morning - nat and mel and jinyi (sometimes xD), it's been 2 years already! standing in a line every day, oddly, was how we got closer to one another. i think it's a pretty weird way how we got to know one another but lol! assembly times we would be talking about things that are happening and how we aren't happy about stuff lol. and exam times we would be spilling and exchanging and clarifying all our facts before we enter the classroom. haha classic. i'll miss yall! i won't see your faces when i turn around the next time. ):

to my dearest squadmates, i love you all :D we've met nearly since day 1. we've been through all the hardships and happiness, the ups and downs of our np lives haha. there's this indescribable bond between us. i know i will have a tendency to run towards yall when i see you guys, lol that's why sometimes i take the not-quadrangle way to class so i will catch up on my sleep or work. 4 years of squadmateship, it's priceless! even though sometimes we may not agree on things, but we will always end up doing a great job.

we make a great team, i shall call it the 41 team, the one and only batch 41 :) it's really funny how we always end up with squad jokes or squad slangs lol. rabbit island? bobo? i still recall the good/sad times we've went through.

i'm only listing some! first parade of sec 1 (i think there was an article on that haha), CT'08 (how we really bonded as a team but we sort of came crashing down ): ), NPAP'09 (all the laughable things we did and heard about, changing desperately fast in the acsb toilet, i think we were late once?), becoming 42's NCOs (at first we all didn't know what to expect but it really was a great experience, i've learnt a lot from sqdms and cadets. 42, stay strong and proud like a coconut tree! okay what am i saying. but just jiayou!), CT'10 (the first time i became captain, and it's to my team (team 2) also. working together was unforgettable i tell you.) I just want to say I appreciate every one of you squids okay! You might think I might not love you as much hehe but I do! :)

right now, i think i'm beginning to miss my 406 classmates and squadmates a lot. all the people i've known too. i might ATTEMPT to write a thankyou list lol, but i hope if i write it yall won't get mad because i'm careless and left out names accidentally or never write a lot :P

i'm so lucky all these things happened, be it happy or unhappy events, they happened. in my 4 years in nanyang, i've met so many amazing and wonderful friends, teachers, people and squadmates. i wouldn't know what i would have done, or even, what i would have become if i hadn't met you all. i just wanna say THANK YOU. You guys have made me a better person, stronger and tougher than before and I really hope I have done the same for you, even a teeny weeny bit will do!! :) and that you will remember me! :)

p.s. trust me, the fact that we've graduated hasn't hit me hard yet. but it's beginning to hit me more and more by the second and this feeling doesn't feel so good ):

you've might have noticed i would usually post a song with my entry, but there's no song that really suits this mood now~

yesterday was just a crazy but awesome day :D

the 2 days before that was mad too! those 2 days, attended the dramafest in school and the plays were really cool. the effects and plot. lol and the screamings made me jump. (not literally, but well my heart did jump.) alicia joined me on both days! my parents came on the first, squids like nicole and peiting came on the second day. also congrats to my sis! her class play got into the encore night. on the first night, all the judges' pick of the night were my choices in the audience voting! and on the second, two of the judges' pick were my choices haha! but my dinner for those nights weren't too good. instant noodles on the 1st night (that was my 3rd day eating instant noodles), 1 bun on the 2nd night.

yesterday wow. world kindness day briefing + shannon's birthday party + 202 class bbq! it was really cool, pretty excited for world kindness day. it will be on november 13, we'll be giving out flowers to the public. of course, we will try to share with them what the day is all about and get them to pass the flower on to someone they wanna thank so i hope it will be a success! xD went with caoji and yeehui to MICA, the room was really cool. i made flower balloons :) oh yeah i love the blue of the shirt they gave!

lunch then went off to shannon's party. met yingyue lol and took a bus to shannon's house, saw ny people like mun ning and justina. gave shannon her present and we played games. what kind of games, they were games like musical chairs and whacko. haha gosh, i couldn't stop smiling because it was really amusing how we went about introducing ourselves and names before we started playing. we sort of went back to childhood times in primary school. i remember how in primary school, i used to attend birthday parties with all such games lol. :D it was weird at first but it was great <3. so apologetic to shannon because i came late and left early!

went to class bbq after meeting haiyun at mrt, bought some chips. it's so odd because sihui, haiyun and I kept walking to and fro between the pit and her house and the guard house. but i liked hanging out with 202 classmates! huge thanks to the special few who got the fire started. :D it was so nostalgic when everyone was sharing their own bit of memory in the sec 1 and 2 days. it's really heartwarming! i realised we kept running to the buffet place to steal drinks haha. it seems very short, because we had to go at 9+. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the food and company, i think we need more gatherings. ;)

Reached home late and ended up super tired.

Two thoughts I had today. :) Shared them with zihan. It's kinda cool when you look around in class, and you see your classmates hard at work (sometimes :P) and you wonder which next important person they will be in life. I always read biographies of other people, especially when I was in primary school and it's like sometimes i see similarities between what i read and what i see. read - reading about the childhood of the important president/politician and see - seeing your classmates doing an experiment and just scribbling down stuff. it wouldn't be a surprise to have classmates who might become future ministers or something haha. i just wonder what i would be.

you know how you can just feel normal, towards life. i have a 'normal' line in this imaginary graph, whereby everything is actually going fine and smooth. that's the time when you don't feel sad or happy. but i think i have been feeling way way way down for a long time, at the 'unhappy' line, now when i'm just a little little bit closer to normal, i actually feel good now already lol. it's so strange and weird. i'm nowhere near my 'normal' line yet i feel as if i'm above that line and am at the 'happy' line or something. you probably wouldn't understand this and think i'm strange. no worries, you don't need to know haha!

well one thing you can do is to listen to the song ;)

This post is just for me to say that I do keep blog entries, well they just aren't posted here, the long overdue CT reflections :) And everything else :D

Haha and somehow my sis and I were on the topic of blogs, and I was like saying no one will read my blog so I don't have to update. Then she said something along the line of no lor, i was the last tagger. so here i am, updating it to keep this blog alive ;)

Just about an hour back, it was 13th August, the day of NY funfair. iBounce was AWESOME. We had the coolest bouncing castle, slide and rodeo ride, lots of customers and it was really great spending quality time with everyone in 406.

Typing in a blog is a strange, a little unfamiliar kind of feeling for me. Other than that, it's the first time in no 1 uniform with squids *big grin*! Plus being able to see the YOG torch itself makes me feel really happy and proud. Enduring the parade and putting in effort for the training was worth it. I probably won't get the chance to march in a parade like this ever again, poof.

All right back to class stall :D Sad I didn't win an ipad, but congrats to all who have won! It's so fun how you get to talk about anything to your classmates, I never did think we would talk like we did today (: And going out to buy items with classmates I never really hung out with, but wow, I liked it so much! :D

Writing my appreciation for squadmates, unit, all the other UGs and of course 406 <3! :) Everyone xin1 ku3 le4, thank you so much! I will remember every little detail between squadmates and my beloved class. You guys rock! YAY!

We got through prelims! :D and now we are moving onto Finals.

The afternoon before we received the news, I was like thinking that everything around was horrible. Many factors, but if the news that we got into finals came now, it would outweight or mask everything else. And goodness, we did receive the news in the late afternoon that we got in!!

When I first heard the news, it felt like a dream, took quite long for the news to sink in. Yay. Great job NYCT2.

Finals is so near and we need to put in lots of effort to get where we want to be. Not easy I guess. And now my health is bad, bad sore throat and flu.

It's probably due to many factors, wearing a wet shirt, sleeping late everyday, hot weather, lack of water, seeing ortho, and teachers. But I can't help but wish that Mrs Chew had not come to school when she was sick and couldn't even speak, having to use the whiteboard to communicate. She was saying about responsibility and she didn't exactly do it D: Finals is very important to me and all little factors must be eliminated. I need training and good health during the finals itself!

Wish me luck, and take care, don't fall sick.
Peter Szeto Yee !!

Two days I turned 16. It was a great one, celebrated my birthday at home in advance. I brought a remaining slice to school to eat, thinking nothing much would happen. Then squadmates sang happy birthday to me, gave many presents - the awesome Yan Ni's notebook with a spastic picture of xiao zhu and xiao gui, Nicole's chocolate oreo cake (my 2nd cake), Aircon's ahem disposable pencil case, Yee Hui's figurines and CDs and sooo many lovely messages.

But why is it that two days later things are so different? I've always known that for CT you need to make sacrifices, first swimming, guitar, studies, NYAA? I must admit, I have been overly obssessed or into CT during the holidays, leading to my downfall. The passion is still lingering but I do regret. My NYAA is severely affected.

Now, currently what's happening is just dampening whatever I have left of myself. I spend one hour convincing people about CT everyday, and it's very tiring, mentally and physically after a long day at school (6 rounds and pushups and training, with a 2man pitch). It's very exhausting. I have to admit, I'm juggling my studies, CCA, competition and human relationship in a bad manner. It's bad enough. How do you strike a balance being rooted to your stand and taking in what people say? I may seem to be unreasonable or irritating, but I don't like forcing people to do things also. But I have to. It does not only affect us, whatever decisions we make, but others too. We need to be responsible for our actions.

Spending so much time is very taxing for me, but I hope it makes one feel better, or not as lousy as when I force it upon you. I do consider your viewpoints, but when you weigh things out, it may not be priority. Long term wise, things may happen.

Sometimes when I take your words fully, and I do it the way, I was unable to convince myself what I was doing. We don't have much time left, and the good gets rusty, how can we afford to play with time like that?

I can't afford regrets, I need to answer to myself. One can afford it when the time comes nearer when all are experienced.

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Still growing up in the midst of university. My friends tell me I think a lot, which could be good or bad depending on how you see it. I'm currently studying Linguistics in NTU. At the same time, I am involved in NPCC and various school activities. I guess this blog will include bits and pieces of my new experiences for sharing! Definitely looking forward to trying and learning new things <3

NYNPCCDALT 41, NYCT2'08, NYCT2'10, 202'08, 406'09
NPAP'09, Dramafeste '11/12, CIBTC J11
Hall 6 13/14

→ Taylor Swift 1st CD!
→ A nice camera to take photos
→ The Hunger Games series
→ Justin Bieber CD - My World 2.0
→ First Step 2 Forever
→ New school stuff.

links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first